thank yall, kind individuals and general do-gooders (or evil bastards, depending where you morality is aligned this day) for your kind words (some more creatively expressed than others) on the day commemorating when i was supposedly expelled from my lovely mothers uterus, twenty two years ago. socrates (good golly you know this is how all bland rantings wrought in cliche begin) a man who, by all accounts of those that took note at the time of his existence was said to be - if nothing else - a great thinker, dweller of existence and purpose; he allegedly once remarked that a life without examination is one not worth living (i paraphrase.) on that note i wish to reflect with all of you. what does a birthday truly celebrate / commemorate? well obviously given in the name it observes the growth (in terms of what we consider age indicated by what we perceive as the concept of time on a calendar, a vestigial mode of measurement based on solar cycles) but is this truly growth? what great accomplishment has been achieved through simply surviving another whole year? well as some would understand surviving day-to-day can be a task of enormity in itself. i believe i can appreciate this better than most. or, at least, not be so quick to dismiss it. looking back it is hard to not at least acknowledge the negativity that has so often surrounded my thoughts, feelings, actions; my very being. if i was to dramatize my lifetime i find it difficult not to label the first act, if you will, as much more than spiraling depression: a tale of disappointments, lacking motivation and focus. as so often i am told i have the capability, for what that is worth, to change, but do i possess the strength to create the second act: unprecedented redemption: fear & hardship through the eyes of courage? though time may not be i consider (and have observed) human nature so often to be cyclical. am i doomed to always repeat the errors of my path so far? what truly warrants my deservation to exist at all? is that even relevant or am i simply feeling sorry for myself in spite of all of the good in my world and the world at large? i am blessed, truly, for all i have and for those around me and hopefully i can make more of my time here and the potential of the gifts i have been given. as normality begins to seep back into my life, as i hope it will more and more, i begin to breathe, to see, with some level of clarity, not all is always so bad. but enough of doom and gloom i shall top this rather long-winded status with a terribly relevant, unnecessarily upbeat pop song, for i am the thin red line between nothingness, and eternity. peace out all xxx https://youtube/watch?v=jqYxyd1iSNk
Posted on: Mon, 01 Dec 2014 04:43:34 +0000