the next blockade agaist life happened: as mhsh triumphed: we did it! after 4 weeks of trying to get a propper webcam account running now it blockades my ip after 3 login-trys... as before 9 where "legal". It is hell without chances, any happyness i have to find in myselfe ignoring all reality around, past behind and future terror before me. I was told i have to be god myselfe in this hell, else it will torment me to all eternity in ways humans can´t imagine, still beliefe or take as mere bad luck. As humans the maximum conciously make their own laws... it seems i will conciously make my own reality. Since five years turbo-lethal egoism hammers the way onto me as i nearly lost my life choked into death by a medication misshapp... my parents reaction as i told them shocked and scared was their eyes where dead, seem to have turned inside, stare left and right to not see me... what the said was "Mooo?". Anti-life, my therap beliefes the torment is ennobeling... as people proofed their mere empty puppets god fills with whatever it wishes... deadly psychosis or lovefull genious... i know if "im god myselfe" rules of reality will merely apply to my life then, too. I want feel much for cattle but sadness, disgust often... want even see it often in my heaven... of maybe my second half of life, a sureal mild and successfull, beautifull and brilliant age after a hard, qualityless youth in hells after hells. As i did good as i could, my heaven, with people like myselfe will build me up... the village which used me for it´s fun and to show me society and laws as surviving the one of the fittest... well, if i make it far up... naturally will want to boast with my successes. If i make it up... they know they didn´t help to build me up, but i am grew out of resistance.
Posted on: Thu, 26 Sep 2013 18:45:11 +0000
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