this whole goodbye thing.. it is really throwing me off. It is a battle between sentiments and joy of liberation. It is pulling at my heartstrings and yet there is also the excitement of adventure. it is a fight to maintain any connection or disconnection I am saying goodbye to many things. Some of which are things I am glad to be away from – the rigidity of an organisation, untimely phone calls, the annoying way the phone rings, awkward temperatures, artificial daylight, work deadlines, the disgruntlement with people and of people, the frustration of containment, the chore of meaning making, the intricacies of organizational structure.. I say goodbye also to beautiful things – the discovery of the resilience of people, the wisdom from the company of learning, the people whom I make meaning of life from and with, the sense of achievement derived with each completed task, the connectedness that banters, complaints and brutally honest feedback brings, the sense of freedom within secure limits, the chore of meaning making.. That combined with the excitement of moving on. It is a confusing place to be. There is never one feeling. It is a swirl of good and bad. Like how you mix cold and hot water from the dispenser. You end up getting an awkward mix of water, some parts too cold or too hot. And yet when it settles, it becomes lukewarm, neither here not there. It’s a sick, confusing feeling. Do I let things settle and feel lukewarm? Or do I pick a side?? How do I grieve when I am also happy? And how can I experience joy when I am also upset? And is there anyway to express both things at once without being bipolar about it? It is an inexpressible sad kind of joy really. And each day that passes, one feeling sometimes overtakes the other. And until it settles, you really never know what to think of it.
Posted on: Sat, 24 May 2014 03:32:16 +0000
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