truthrevolt.org/news/jessica-valenti-makes-case-free-tampons I can see it now. The govt starts paying for tampons. The price of tampons goes to 61 bucks per unit (set by a pricing schedule devised at CMS). Eric Cantor joins the newly formed K street based Tampon Lobbying Partners. HHS puts out study (costing $120mm) that proves the necessity of the govt tampon program as no one can afford tampons anymore. Tampons, Inc., a Carlyle Group consolidation of all previous tampon makers, with a whos who of DCs best and brightest on the board and in the C-suite, goes public in an IPO (ticker: TMPN, listed on NASDAQ) led by GS with all the gilded I-banks in the syndicate at a record setting dealers spread...the valuation does make this the largest company ever sold into public equity markets. It comes at 100x EPS and all insiders sell their entire stake publicly saying they will walk away from further profits so that mom and pop through their Fidelity/BlackRock/Calpers/TIAACREF 401ks and managed retirement plans can get a piece of the action. Insiders, and the rest of Congress, gets long puts in an off shore vehicle in the name of their spouses. Terry McCaulife is all the open interest in the deepest out of the moneys issued. Many of the largest hedgies, led by Steyer, Simons, Loeb, Ackman and other crony managers, also get levered short on the advice of the politicians whos multiple terms they have bought. First quarter out of the gate TMPN shows its first ever sequential down tick in earnings. Stock goes to 20 cents (from an opening print price of 100 bucks a share 8 weeks earlier) after the earnings call when the GS research analyst covering govt consumer staples, the son of Jon Corzine, downgrades the name to Sell graphing out a forward curve that shows the inflection of national demographics and the start of a long term graying cycle in society. TMPN defaults on its debt when the stock goes asymptotically toward zero and they cannot further equity finance their vendor agreements and now unable to produce sustainable cash flow for debt service (all the cash was special dividend-ed out to Carlyle right before the IPO and new debt facilities were underwritten to stop gap working capital). TMPN, being a nationally important systemic institution, requires a bailout. Equity is wiped to zero, debt holders are as well. Except those holding a special tranche of debt issued to unions....those are fully backstopped in the name of the public good as mom and pop union worker should not be subjected to the evil vagaries of wall st speculation. Richard Trumka celebrates in a rose garden ceremony. 401k holders in the private sector see massive losses in debt and equity funds. AIG is bailed out as well as they wrote $6 trillion in default insurance policies (CDS) on TMPN. New equity is issued to the govt to be held in the US Treasury until the markets are settled enough to absorb the new shares. John Thain, Dick Grasso, and Ken Langone successfully lobby the NewCo (led by White House appointed CEO Steve Rattner) to list on the NYSE under the ticker TI. Rinse and repeat.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 01:11:14 +0000
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