well im sad, sad, sad. I never stayed anywhere long enough or ever had any one stay in my life long enough to learn how to establish an kind of friendship or emotional bond. Never had stability or support from anybody but me and my kids. So today I found myself sobbing (reason I wont say) but my son Thomas Abbott grabs me by my shoulders and through my sobs makes me laugh. Tommy is leaving in a couple of weeks and its coming to reality that the only thing I have ever had or been close to is leaving me. Tommy I dont know what I am going to do with out you. I know you have to lead your life but your also my life. I dont know how Im going to breath or sleep how am i suppose to go down stairs and know you not home. I never felt so anxious or so much pain knowing im going to lose the one person who loves me (his siblings also) and the only person I have had in my life. So i might as well take this moment to let you all know its going to be a rough ride for me losing the person i love in this world and i know that when I take a blow the only way I have coped even though I try not to is I attack people and push everybody away. I will in advance say I am sorry cuz I have people here I have established some sort of a relationship if they get cought in my path. I dont do this on purpose but I know it will happen cuz i dont know how to have people around when i hurt and its just what i do i become destructive to anybody who will attempt to get close. Tommy I love you and i am so proud of you but at the same time my heart is breaking, If this is now whats going to happen once you leave.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 18:07:54 +0000
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