#whyIStayed ... We clicked. He spent almost a year investing the time and energy to get to know me extremely well. So much so that I would dare say he knows me better than anyone ever has. Thats right ... ANYONE. If I wasnt at work I was with him. My son loved him. My daughter tolerated him. Though my ex husband was devoted, this man seemed devoted and got me. I felt like he was me ... my other half. Me with a penis. And too good to be true. I thought all of the struggles and the hard times and decades of feeling like I didnt belong had finally come to an end. He was a dream come true. Intelligent, funny, talented, interesting, perfectly imperfect, attractive, and a great lover. He cooked and cleaned, fixed things in the house, shoveled the drive way, rubbed my feet, played in my hair, listened and shared. We dreamed together. He helped me set up and break down shows and sang karaoke for the first time after a year of refusing to take the mic. He was a natural. Then all of a sudden as if a switch flipped, all of that stopped. He suddenly felt like he had neglected handling his business because he was all about me. He had problems with his relationships with his children ... he needed to file for divorce (which ended up taking 4 years to get and didnt come until after he and I were done) ... it was football season. He went from hot to cold quite literally overnight. I was blindsided. Then when I tried to end the relationship, he lost his job ... and his car ... and begged me not to leave him. How could I kick him when he was down and out? Then he was back to the person he had been. Like someone standing at a door flicking the light switch on and off, I kept hoping all of these external circumstances, his mother was seriously ill, the divorce, the kids, the job, now two duis and a string of driving on a suspended license arrests ... oh ... and football season, would rectify themselves and we could get on with the life he promised. Only it didnt happen that way ... He left. Moved to Georgia to reconcile with his wife after 2+ years of separation. I was devastated ... changed my number, blocked him on Facebook, etc. Only within weeks he sent an email from a new account ... He messed up ... he wanted to come back home ... he had tried to call, but my number was changed ... blah blah blah ... but he knew me better than ANYONE ...knew what to say and how to say it ... I bit. Even his wife confessed to me that he was still in love with me, but he was no longer separated. He was married and living with his wife. We would have to be friends. Then his mother died ... and he came back for a while. He stopped by to see his friend ... but we were still in love and he decided he would go back to GA and end his marriage and return to me ... which he did. But we didnt tell anyone because the way it ended before things were so bizarre. We would wait to make sure we could make it and then let people know. He became the man I met ... AGAIN. He took on the family business and tried his hands at entrepreneurship, we were working on a book together. And then the light switch started flicking on and off AGAIN. This time some serious paternity issues ... what he was going through so understandable. So I tried to end it AGAIN, but he didnt want to end it. While begging me to stay, he kept accusing me of seeing someone else ... a professional associate. The jealousy was flattering and frustrating all at the same time. But the light switch was on and he was back on his game and we were good. Then, after an altercation at a party, I embarrassed him. I knew I had messed up and I had grabbed my things to leave. He chased after me and I kept walking to my car not responding to his calls. He grabbed me and pulled my coat off of me and proceeded to strike me multiple times in the face while I pleaded with him to stop. He didnt stop until a neighbor came out ... light switch on ... Five minutes of our lives erupted and we both wanted to take it back. I did the unthinkable... I surprised myself ... I not only forgave him, but did not end the relationship. I knew he didnt mean it. I knew he was hurting as much as I was. I knew he was sorry. I knew it wouldnt happen again, but if it did happen again that would have to be the end. I believed him ... after all he came all the way back from GA for ME. He still knew me inside and out ... we were going through it, but if you are committed you work through the tough times. Right? I have relatives whose relationships have survived a domestic violence incident or two ... I loved him. So we started working on it. I went into therapy. He was convicted of 2nd degree assault and on probation with court mandated counseling ... we were fighting to stay together. At least I was, but I noticed he wasnt trying so much ... I even lied (which I dont do) to cover up the beating. I saw him less and less. So I ended it ... AGAIN. This time I was firm. This time he flipped out. He showed up at my gig insisting I not end it, but I didnt budge. We had an altercation and he was asked to leave the bar. Weeks later he called again ... begging me to take him back ... making new and improved promises ... and so we started talking again ... only this time I caught him in a lie and after a little digging discovered he was in another relationship that had apparently been going on for a while. More digging more lies. That was #whyILeft and stayed gone except attempts to get an explanation. I asked for an admission ... an explanation ... and an apology ... I never got any of the above. What I really wanted was just the explanation. What I got was more lies ... insistence that the woman was no more than a friend and SHE was lying ... he wasnt attracted to her... after all she was fat and he didnt do that ... and so on ... he still loved me ... I was mistaken ...etc. I didnt believe him. I KNEW he was lying now. I had proof. What I continue to get is him popping out of the blue ... messages asking things like am I snowed in ... telling me his probation is almost over ... he finally got divorced ... hes in the area ... I havent seen him in a year, but just last week he stopped in the bar where I use to do karaoke trying to buy people drinks and make nice ... He knew me ... he knew I needed to know why he betrayed me the way he did. Now I dont ... because I understand what happened. I know what he is and what I was. Im not that person anymore. Now I just need to get him to pay and go away ...
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 12:12:20 +0000
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