-So Im at HEB buying the Littles steaks per their request (yea, dead cow which semi-repulses me and I dont even know how to cook) -I happen to be in the shortest LONGEST line (my personal specialty while at the grocers) And as I wait twenty minutes in the express lane watching Amanda, the newest trainee count and recount her drawer (shift change and shes 25 cents short) -I notice that EVERYBODY in my line is buying bananas, milk, and a $10 bottle of wine (we all know the bananas and milk are just the front for the trip for Friday Night Anesthesia.) -The Littles are playing with an eight ball from the toy section, asking it every detail about each beloved animal left at the ranch and offering the other folks in line use of their borrowed psychic magic (no, Im not buying that crap, go put it back!) -Im sunburned, tired, under-stimulated and feeling very repressed standup comedian so as my turn with Amanda finally arrives I go into a flawless Late Night worthy routine about all the lonely people buying wine on Friday night and how funny it is that they purchase add ons to distract from the fact that they really just wanna drink a bottle alone as they watch an all night Friends or Seinfeld marathon... -Amanda humors me but clearly has no friggin idea what Im talking about yet Im encouraged to continue as the other patrons are giggling hysterically (even the ones with wine, bananas and milk in their baskets.) -Meanwhile the Littles are utilizing their broken English rustic charm to hustle Buddy Bucks (ask a Texan) from multiple cashiers as they wrestle and race to the point machine (legal underage gambling,) -When outta nowhere the handsome fifty something guy behind me lifts his (very exquisite and well chosen) bottle of $10 domestic Merlot and declares I never do this but I just lost my wife and need an evening to relax and forget... -I would be sorely ashamed but the Littles saved my butt by asking the eight ball if he would find love... -To which it replied Yes, most definitely they hug the stranger and almost cheer. -I think in the future Ill keep my mouth closed and stick to my day job... ;)
Posted on: Sat, 26 Apr 2014 03:35:47 +0000
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