1) Always do woodwork with your skillsaw before using meth. 2) White latex paint, despite being luxuriously thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide relief like pepto bismol does. 3) If you have taken 7 home pregnancy tests, and they’re all positive, when you come into the emergency department… chances are our test will come back positive too. 4) If you are given a prescription for narcotics, at least have the courtesy of leaving the lobby before you try to sell the pillz. 5) Drinking diluted Pine Sol with 5 friends is not a good way to get drunk. 6) When attempting self-circumcision, do not use dry ice to numb the area. As a corollary, when the dry ice sticks to your parts, do not attempt to remove it with boiling water. 7) When stealing a prescription pad, please fill it out correctly before turning it into the pharmacy. They know something’s up when you write for “1.2 pounds of morfeen x 1000 refills” 8) When your 15 year old daughter gives birth to a bleating, underweight infant 30 minutes after presenting with “gas pain”, try not to run around the ED loudly proclaiming, “I don’t know what y’all did or who that baby is, but my lil’ girl warn’t pregnant when she come in here!”
Posted on: Thu, 17 Oct 2013 20:04:56 +0000
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