1971 ...The Grate Denini at 13yrs Old Now forgive me...i know this music wont be to you old fogies taste etc, but I`m just takin yer back to the SEVENTIES. There was me... in the bedroom---all to mesell cos bruv n sis were out most of the time. I had me stash of HONG KONG BIBLES in the cupboard as my testosterone levels were now beginning to flee through the roof... Eeee lad.. sometimes i used to DELIBERATELY get of the bus TWO stops too far so i could follow Rosheen ************ down Owton Manor Lane...bathing in that glorious Convent Uniform...oh those hues of brown stir me loins to this day! But---the lure of GOODALLS PAPER SHOP and an Everlasting Strip and /or a PENNY DAINTY was usually too strong and I watched her slink into the distance...oh Den...if only she would go out with you...but---shes a CATHY CAT...what would yer Mam say...what would HER Mam say...... Anyways... the bedroom was adorned with cuttings from The Melody Maker... I wasnt really a Sounds person...how would I ever know that one day I would sire a child and he`d be named after the guitarists I loved so much eh?? Weird. I had the top bunk...sheets as hard as iron... Our Den.... will you STOP wipin yer nose on the blankets!! Eeee me Mam...she was great. Did she KNOW... like I know know what my kids get up to?? Did she? Mam...heres some apples for a crumble! Where`d yer get em Our Den Windfall Ooo good lad...i`ll bake em later Course she didnt know we`d been GARDEN CREEPIN..... Camping Out... do kids still DO that?? In the back garden... Getting up as the Milkman was doing the rounds...and we`d see which posh bastards had that ORANGE JUICE delivered..then SWIPE it...and guzzle it like there was no tommo. And... IMAGINE...leaving MONEY... CASH...under milk bottles, outside yer door??? What the deuce?? We had a field day we did. Think we were partly responsible for the demise of Northern Dairy Milk us lot. And so...into the Bathroom... no heating of course...and fortunate if there was any hot water left...nee COMBI BOILERS then..or radiators. The ubiquitous mirror...wooden framed..... Maaaaaam...tell Our Den to stop squeezing his spots onto the mirror God... BANG...BANG BANG... the perverse comforting yellow matter would hit the glass and i`d be one step closer to getting a girlfriend... and then... the teenagers constant companion... BLACKHEADS...what the deuce??? I was given this weird little tool...metal..like a mini-oar, with a hole in each end..the idea being yer place it over the offending mite and PUSHED...eee lad...what a pile of shite... get em squeezed between yertwo forefingers (and wipe en on the mirror) Do kids still get blackheads??? Then a dab of the all-time Girl Puller.... TCP. Jeez...TCP...Brut or Old Spice...there was nowt else. School Bus ...what a heady mix that contained as I alighted with me newly painted HAVERSACK...purloined from Pools Surplus Stores. Most other kids had QUEEN, SWEET, ALVIN STARDUST, MUD ,BAYCITY ROLLERS painted on..... not me of course.. SWEATY BIFTA... MOUNTAIN SPLASHFART and MONTY PYTHON RULES ... LINDRIDGE.....in my office after assembly! But Siiiiiiir??? Dont argue...in my office! so..... Whats the meaning of this Lindridge...S-w-eatyt...sweaty BIFTA?? But Sir, its the band i`m in... Band? What sort of band... I dont see you at band practice No sir...its a ROCK band! a ROCK band?? Bend over lad! THWACK... THWACK... THWACK I got the bastard back...squeezed all me spots on the bog mirrors after...and set fire to THAT machine thing in the Girls lavs. Just what WAS that..... I sneaked in one day...always a DIFFERENT smell in the girls traps eh...and ther was this THING... did it BURN things...with a TAIL on... I sheepishly lifted the flap...scarred for life I was.... was only when I watched CARRIE years later...i knew what was appertaining... There was NOWT with wings back then eh. And so...onto DOUBLE DECKERS in Surtees Street eh...who remembers THAT. God...I`ll be about 13...sat aft 1 o`clock...piling in there and freaking out to Paranoid etc... and me Tank Top a glow with fluff under the flourescent lighting...nee drink though...why no--that was for the older kids at 6pm...and Rosheen & Co (sigh) What fun that was. Course... none of this period would be complete with Me Nanna and that friggin commode... I can SEE it now... I can SMELL it...I can FEEL it....as the somewhat milky winnets traversed into the bog upstairs.... and i had to lug the bucket downstairs to put back into that tweed-topped shit pot...GRRRRR.... now THAT scarred me for life...never mind the tampon incinerator above!! Anyone who`s taken Prednisolone might know just how they play havoc with yer sleep pattern...02.29 and wide awake considering me Nannas milky ones. SEGGS.... who at some point didnt put SEGGS into their shoes eh.... and/or go to the Saddlers in Burn Valley and get STUDS into a belt or something...he he... I was about 7 clem...the belt went round me twice...so the bloke altered it.... and i strode home with me LEATHER STUDDED BELT ...approx 10 bob... but i liked me LOONS best... oh aye... LOONS...with no pockets and which made ANY bamboo enter the HUGE catergory... oh I loved me LOONS me...from City Stylish...36 flares... 26 waist... and 6 platforms...mind with all those Skinheads about...I was the fastest hippy on platforms me... running like Pistorious after he blasted the bog door! Please...let me go to bed... stop me knapper rolling with these memories..I have to be up at 11am... : xx den The Grate Denini 3rd Earl of Hart le Pool
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 19:44:16 +0000
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