5 questions feared by men 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than I? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: Im sorry if Ive been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you. This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you! Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: YES! or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, Yes, dear. Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. How can the umpire not have seen that was a push in the back? e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: Of course not!. Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldnt call you fat, but youre not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. Ive seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think shes prettier than I? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: Of course not!. Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is Buy a Corvette and a Boat. No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not, dont you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldnt you remarry? MAN: Okay, Id get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She cant use them; shes left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: oooooops
Posted on: Fri, 20 Jun 2014 19:41:44 +0000
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