#5214 Everything started a few years back. I met this girl during form1, a quiet and shy girl, sitting behind me after she just transferred in from another school. Most of the time, she would be sitting there quietly, looking at books or drawing something. So, one day I decided to talk to her and thats when it all started, she didnt really tried to continue the conversation, and it ended with a brief and simple answer oh. From that moment on, i knew there was something weird/special (u decide) about this person, well thats because I dont always meet people like her and she was just amazing at drawing. Then, without knowing it, a year just passed without actually having an actual conversation with her and its already time for me to embark the journey of a form2. During Form 2, I happened to be in the same class with her. From her appearance, i saw that she changed quite a lot, she became much prettier and cuter than she was during the year before, however she still didnt really talk much throughout the year. Without hesitation, i tried talking to her again, hoping I could actually have a good conversation with her. Unfortunately it ended up the same way again, but a part of me didnt want to give up so I began to try all kinds of options to get close to her, just so I could actually talk to her. Somehow, one of the many options actually worked and I finally could have a normal conversation with her. And for the first time, i noticed her smiling when we were having this short talk. (This was somehow like a dream come true :D ) But somehow after that we didnt really talk a lot or to be realistic, we didnt have any conversation anymore in school. Then again, the year ended and. In form 3, we didnt even talk in school. It was like form1 again except we werent in the same class because I was too dumb and lazy to study (Yep, my bad.). In school, we were like total strangers. The only way for me to talk to her was through facebook chat. However, we didnt really chat much too. Then in form 4, I too wasnt able to be able to go to the same class with her, same reason- too much procrastinating and too dumb. I can say that this year was the year that Ive started to text her quite a lot. Those midnight chats, the silly jokes and some gossips. Then I realized that Ive somehow started to have feelings for her, but I just kept it in cause I wanted to focus on my club activities and Im pretty much afraid of the outcome if I actually confessed. (Excuses!) So I kept it in, all those feelings, kept under a pile of excuses. However, every conversation we had, i couldnt stop myself from being attracted to her. But the same thing still happen in school, we were like strangers, never once did we actually spoke to each other other than saying hello. As days passed, i started getting to know more about her and I really loved that. One day, the schools concert was drawing in and I had the option to choose between asking her to the concert or going for the club duty, however, as Ive mentioned earlier, Im really dumb so I picked the club duty instead of her. And till now I still regret that decision. Well, whats done is done, I cant change it, i can only look to the future to make things better. After a few months, I decided to join her club, with the only intention of getting to know her more and not really to help the school. (Yeah, sorry to all those committees and members) During the activities, i tried talking to her, but somehow it still didnt work out, we still were like strangers. Conversations face to face just didnt seem to progress in the way I thought it would. Many times Ive thought about giving up, but I kept clinging onto that little hope, hoping to have that face to face conversation. Somehow, the year ended. Then it was time for form5, the crucial year of highschool. The late night texting became lesser and lesser, but my feelings for her were still there. Every year, I couldnt stop myself from noticing that she became much prettier than the last. Despite trying to protect the friendship, i screwed up and kinda opened up my feelings to her. Then, as Ive feared, everything stopped, we didnt talk, we didnt text, all communication just stopped. Till a few months later, Ive finally found the courage to talk to her again. (By talk, i mean text) I was really glad to be able to talk to her again (Yes, it means text not talk). But it was at that time, that I realize that she was already having feelings for someone else. Well, what should I expect? I keep screwing things up. Im totally not good enough for her. Now, even after graduating, I still have feelings for her, but I didnt want to screw things up again, they say the greatest thing a person can do is to let go, so I guess the only thing I can do is to be a good friend and support her till the end. And yeah, from form1 till now, i couldnt get to have the conversation I intended to have with her. Is this the right thing to do? I dont know. All I want to say now is: GLhf in spm! All the best in your relationship with him. Hope we could actually have a good face to face conversation and thanks for the gift :) -Slender-
Posted on: Wed, 19 Nov 2014 06:41:31 +0000
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