A Little About Uncle P Once upon a time I remember wondering why God created girls. I was a Bugs Bunny dude. I liked Slowpoke Rodriquez, Pepe LePew and that big rooster. How I survived my childhood diet is testament to the power of the human body. My only vegetable was corn. I lived on Cheerios, bologna sandwiches and Oreos. My first love was baseball, my longest love was basketball, but there was a chunk of time in my youth when I loved cattle. Angus. Yep: I grew up country. I went to church Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night, and sometimes endured revivals of up to two and three weeks. Long before I could shave I knew my way around the Black Book. And yes, I’m a King James kid. Anything newer just sounds weird to my ear. I graduated high school with a 28” waist. Pull the skin between your thumb and first finger; that’s how skinny I was. ________ ______ If I were Jesus I’d have waited to come until they’d invented comfortable footwear and Community Coffee. Come to think of it, if I were Jesus I’d have waited to come until at least the world had television. Come before Photoshop because then everybody would just write off walking on water as a trick. While I’m giving God advice, wink-wink, I do hope that we get to ask Him some questions when we get to heaven. Like: what exactly is a “day” to You? Why not let cockroaches and mosquitoes go extinct in trade for some of the friendlier dinosaurs? ________ __________ I’ve read Moby Dick three or four times. Not sure why. Not sure why I’m even mentioning it, except to absolve some of you that always meant to read it, or finish it. A writer should read, and reading has occurred. You might find it curious that I found some of most creative style changers to be female Black American writers; Alice Walker, in The Color Purple, and Toni Morrison in anything, especially Beloved. Don’t put your romance novel down and pick those two ladies up and expect to fly through pages; they’re on higher ground. My stand on movies versus books: nothing done in two hours in a movie version can compete with the power of your personal relationship with a writer, writing to only you, at the pace you enjoy. On the other hand, I prefer two hours of an average movie over two days reading the same story told just as badly in print. _______ _________ My best teachers were stern. I entered their classroom with trepidation, I behaved while there, and all these years later I still remember useful things learned there, the most important being the power of no-nonsense to getting something accomplished, like learning. I wasn’t whipped much, but I was whipped some. Newer generations can experiment with discipline all they want, but for me, a guy, I hold that every young male needs to meet the Big Dog and realize he ain’t but a puppy. My father, the preacher, the turner of cheeks, blessed-are-the-peacemakers, he was slow to wrath but thank God he cared enough to put me in my place. I specifically remember when I neared his last straw and found myself, a smart mouth teenager sassing my mother in front of him, flat on my back and him standing over me with eyes I’d never seen before and wanted to never see again. Consider me attitude adjusted and the whole world should shout hallelujah for that moment. ______ ________ Picking between Elvis and The Beatles, I gotta go Elvis. You can name your kid John or Paul or George or even Ringo, but Elvis is took. As I age I care less about rockin’ in the jailhouse and shoes covered in blue suede, but I love Elvis singing gospel and country. It’d have been nice to see what he did as an old man. Am I alone in wondering if I could’ve been an actor? Don’t you always wonder? Some of these actors only play one role, themselves; I figure I could at least pull that off. If I was a real actor I’d hope to be DeNiro’ish. He wears well. Pacino in the first Godfather was a model of understated excellence, but seems like every role since Scent of a Woman is the same brash character. _______ _________ I believe in believing in something. If you’re not sure about politics or religion, then at least believe in Oreos. And sharp cheddar. And hamburgers. Don’t text in church. Unless the sermon is boring. If the pastor ain’t done his work then text away; bad shepherds earn misbehaving sheep. When you shake a politicians hand hold it, make ‘em look you in the eye, and read that eye, and let them read yours. Same goes for anybody wanting to marry into the family. ______ _____ I used to have more fear. My experience is, fear is mostly bark ‘n bluff. Go right at something, play chicken and see who hits the ditch first. Goals are good, but pick ‘em carefully. You go on and goal-up for a Mercedes; me, I’m aiming pedestrian, about my feet solid on my appointed path. Having done much wrong, I’m thinking about trying a long stretch of doing right. Having chased shadows, I’m all for standing still and holding my place until I get a clear Go. _______ __________ If anybody younger than I wanted my advice it’d be: pray. The Google of all Googles, the Answerer of Questions, the Knower of Things That Need To Be Known… He doesn’t answer as fast as we’d like, but He’s required, by Himself, to answer, at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way, and any answer from Him is all the answer needed. ________ ________ This edition of Uncle P’s Bedtime Stories is brought to you by Eighty-one, where the guy writing these things hangs out a few hours a week.
Posted on: Mon, 17 Feb 2014 04:05:16 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015