* A chapter from my first novel Voice Of The Voiceless * When I first saw her in college, her attitude invited my attention. She was not the most beautiful girl around but there was certain element of appeal in her, that made me give her a second look. I saw her from a safe distance, my memory fails me but I think she didnt even take notice of me, yet she somehow arouse my interest. She gave me the impression of being either a thick friend or a person whom I would love to hate. While my mind was struggling to make a settlement between these two extreme thoughts, my heart was trying to establish a connection of sorts with her. Her thought vanished from my mind as soon as he vanished from my site, only to make a long lasting impact on my life. It turned out that she was going to be my practical partner for the on-going academic year, which clearly implied her presence around me for hours.Although I had given too much of importance to a stranger, I soon realized it was worth it. We managed to strike a chord from the minute we introduced ourselves. She was more interesting then I had thought, for she was a perfect blend of smartness and intelligence. I think I was under her spell as she managed to extract the deep dark secrets out of an introvert like me with great ease. Within less than 2 months we turned out to be each others best friend. As would be expected from any girl her age, she started the usual trick of flirt-with-your-bestfriend. When with each other we acted crazy, we flirted, we teased each other with random people,we revealed our ex- crushes, we shared our future worries, we wiped each others tears, we managed to bring a smile on one others face. We acted like best friends at times and at others acted like lovers that we never were. Love was not suppose to cross our mind as we made a promise to each other long back that come heaven or hell we will never fall in love with each other. We were insane to think that manipulating a strong feeling like love was under our will, but nevertheless we chose to stick to pure friendship. Hearing her heart beats while resting my head over her lap brought the same kind of peace that she received while residing her head on my shoulder. While the thought of spending our entire lives with each other was tempting, it was in the good interest of both of us to rule out the option. Her parents were conservative and I was too career oriented which reminded us time and again to keep our feelings under check. While my head was acting strong, my heart was falling weak. She continued to mesmerize me and I like a fool was floating in the pool of emotions. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I decided I would tell her that I had already drifted away from the promise. On that fateful day, the sound of my pounding heart filled my ears. I thought love would find fertile ground, only to know later that I had deeply hurt her and betrayed her trust. She didnt say much and her silence hit as a bullet in my heart. Within minutes things changed, air of awkwardness and deadly silence surrounded us on our last evening as friends.I promised her,I will not force her in any kind of relation and we can still continue to be best friends but after breaking the promise once she had no reason to trust me further.She started avoiding me, ignored my messages, my innumerable calls went unanswered, nothing I did melted her heart. I knew I had hurt her beyond repair. I buried myself in the pillow and cried my lungs out. Only my bed sheet knows the amount of tears it has soaked and only my mirror can describe best my swollen face of sadness.Picking up the shattered pieces of my heart I decided to move on , when she suddenly appeared from nowhere.I just managed to catch her glimpse and like our first day, she didnt take notice of me yet again. All the emotions and feeling that I tried hard to suppress now pushed themselves out and I was left standing in the dark past again. I decided to hide myself behind the pillar at Andheri station to see her getting down from her usual 9.16 local every single day. When I couldnt hold back my feelings, I ran behind her on the streets to plead her to give me my best friend back, only to be hit by a speeding truck. The next moment when I opened my eyes, darkness surrounded me. Having lost the apple of my eyes long back, that day I lost both my eyes and with that I lost my tears forever. Without cursing anyone I accepted my fate and realized that our paths were different and that we were never meant to be one. I no longer wish to meet her for I dont want to see the eyes which were ones filled with happiness to be filled with sympathy for me. I still hide behind the pillar at 9.16 without skipping a single day, not that my eyes can see her anymore but my heart feels her presence for those few minutes. My saga reminds me of a line I once read Not everyone in this world has the fate to cherish the fullest form of love some are born just to experience the abbreviation of it. :( P.S- The story posted is a work of pure fiction and imagination. It may be a true story of someone out there but I dont know if someone has ever gone through it and I pray one never does!!!:-(
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 03:36:20 +0000
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