A little over a year ago I started to get sick and much more frequent than ever before. Test after test and over 8 surgical procedures I was given bad news. The first pic was two weeks before sitting in my doctors office being handed pamphlets about Cancer. The second pic would be the night of my first stroke shortly after and family had to come get me from a parking lot because the pain got worse. The following weeks I would cry from sun up to sun down and became withdrawn from family and friends. I hid at my moms and panicked when someone would knock on the door and even hid and cried in the bathroom because I wanted no one around but my immediately family. I worked when I could because many did not know what I was dealing with and it was my escape to forget briefly what I was dealing with. The month of October was tough as I felt like a lab rat being picked, moved, cut into and no relief and was ready to just give up. My mom stood by my side and even at times criticized for not letting anyone in the house but I was not ready to face people. I remember having a panic attack when I ventured out to the store alone that I left my things in a basket, walked out driving fast to get home and then getting my mom and leaving town immediately. I was scared and acted like cancer was looking for me and I had to hide. I share my story because although we may all look happy, normal and healthy, cancer has no flashing neon sign that advertises its arrival and ask that everyone get checked and it doesnt come with a set of instructions either. I have now had 10 surgeries in the last 3 years and not yet sure what happens next because in the last few days have been back at my doctors office due to issues not expected. I ask for no pity or special treatment and just remind everyone not to avoid check ups. I thought if I didnt say it or acknowledge it that it would just go away but it wont. My family has been my rock and my little people in my life (nieces, nephews, cousins and my son) keep me laughing and going. I have lost friends along the way but thats okay and wish no one ill will. I know God has a plan for me and have accepted that this is my life and Im going to live every day to the fullest. I may not be able to run my first 5k but going to walk it and finish what I started. I do have my moments/bad days and it was my little sister that motivated me and reminded me that even the strong become weak. One day after walking out of my oncologist office still in shock, she walked away and never hugged me like we do every time we leave each other. I was so hurt for I felt she was mad at me and cried like a baby because it bothered me as I thought about it driving home. I finally texted asking if she was mad at me because she didnt hug me or talk to me. She said that she was mad but not at me. She told me that she couldnt process the idea of me being sick because I was the strong one in the family and what were we going to do now. At that moment I knew I had to fight and beat my illness because I wasnt done yet living. We take so much for granted and Im far from perfect but know that each new day I wake up, Im already blessed and couldnt ask for more. I have to keep my chin up and with the possibility of another organ affected I just have to think of how much more weight Ill lose. Joking is my way of processing it but just ask that any knot, abnormality in your health, you get it checked. Cancer is nobodys friend and affects not only the patient but the entire family and friends alike and always shows up uninvited. Just had to share and remember you only get 1 life and no do overs so take care of your health and make the most of it. Im still convinced that with all my surgeries one of these area hospitals owes me a wing in my name, just saying!!
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 09:30:29 +0000
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