A skilled workplace bully is usually an expert at manipulation. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, he influences and controls others. Like a clever politician, a manipulative workplace bully keeps his desires hidden. Pretending to pursue the greater good, he adopts the mantra of “company first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his claims of selfless pursuit of noble causes. But underneath his self-righteous image lies the essence of a manipulator: someone who shrewdly and deviously attempts to control how you feel, think and behave. he lacks positive personality traits, such as genuine concern for others, a generous and understanding nature, a desire to teach and encourage, a desire to have straightforward dealings with others. He dwells in a very dark place lit only by his own hyper-inflated ego and ambition. he lacks positive personality traits, such as genuine concern for others, a generous and understanding nature, a desire to teach and encourage, a desire to have straightforward dealings with others. He dwells in a very dark place lit only by his own hyper-inflated ego and ambition. I care about you. I care about the company. Trust me.” But what he is actually thinking he would never say to your face: “You don’t have my savvy, intelligence and strength. You aren’t aggressive and competitive, so you must be weak. I’m going to discover where you are vulnerable, and then use that to control your emotions and behavior. “I will make you help me become more successful. I may cause you some pain, but that’s okay, His own ambitions are most important, particularly financial and career success. He may also seek a vaunted status or even fame (at least within his vocation). He enjoys being the center of attention and wants everything to revolve around him. He derives satisfaction from successfully dominating others. He only cares to the extent others can gratify his ego and help him succeed. Absent are the healthy relationships of mutual respect. He may experience the beginnings of selfless affection for someone else, but sooner or later his ego reasserts it primacy. He may seem concerned for the well-being of others, but usually this reflects a sense of ownership of those he dominates. In reality, he only cares about how they impact his power and reputation within the company. And his affection is conditional upon whether the people he “owns” continue to feed his ego. Disrespect him, even unintentionally, and the positive relationship is instantly destroyed. He never wants to look ineffective and powerless. In his thinking, if he can’t control the people close to him, upper management won’t view him as a strong leader. So he becomes frustrated when you show any independent thinking or actions that might threaten his control and tarnish his image. He knows how to gain power over others and keep it. He exudes charm and confidence in order to attract those who are naive or emotionally needy, providing them with friendship and camaraderie, or enticing them with promises of future rewards. His followers may stay loyal for many years, or even over their entire careers. At the same time, he believes that his superior intellect, uncommon wisdom and noble ambition justify his aggressively controlling other people. By forcing them to follow his leadership, he is doing them a favor (in his thinking). As the center of his own universe, he is very good at rationalizing his behaviors so that he feels noble and even heroic. It is counterproductive for a manipulative bully to be straightforward: no one would support him if he revealed his true character. An effective manipulator must be a master of deception. His repertoire includes hiding his true intentions and predatory nature, concealing information of potential value to others, misleading people on key issues, effectively using hearsay and innuendo, and otherwise obscuring the truth. He shrewdly uses these deceptions to sway others, always to his personal advantage, often to the detriment of his fellow workers. Dealing with a master manipulator can be considerably more difficult than dealing with an obvious bully. He is artful in his deceptions, making most people oblivious to his underhanded methods. If you suggest to your co-workers that he is a bully, you will probably be met with blank stares or derisive comments. But the results of his behaviors are just as terrible as any angry, screaming, badgering bully.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 14:21:08 +0000
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