A special request for my sister anna , CATCHED ON THE BREW............... intro......this story I tell from a cowl prison cell put here on the word of a spy, me stomach churns in disgust ,its unfair and unjust, so ill reflect with some tears and a sigh! from the day I left school ,I worked like a mule, and was out in all sorts of weather, for six days a wick, I drove a shovel and pick, any wonder me hands were lack leather and Id be tellin no lies , I was a great my to rise! up before the alarim, out the dure at cock crow,in hail rain or snow with me rover tin under me arm, but in this day and age , it takes more than one wage, to keep a mans head above water ,so on a Tuesday at two,I signed on till the brew, and back to me work I would datter for it tuck the whole lot, to keep spuds in the pot, and save us from financial disaster an what a man has to do a man has to do, and must dos a wonderful master well meself and the misses, we were past hugs and kisses but were happy as cats at the cream I was partial to stout ,so I lacked to get out , and come home on a full head of steam an if she got to the bingo and whist , that kept her in good twist she niver riss much of a fuss shed squeeze into her stays,put on an assortment of sprays and go out and jump on till the bus but our luck turned for the worse,when the wife lost her purse one day she was shoppin in town she went till the plice, and she went to the priest but of coorse it niver was found and things didnt get any better, when there come a brown letter on a day that no giro was due oh holy mother of god, it from the banbridge fraud squad oh Christ ive been catched on the brew!!!! I turned white as a ghost, and near choked on me toast as I sputtered and spattered and sput mehead was rattlin and reelin, and doubt somebodys squealin, you would think they could keep there mouths shut thon owl scabby McCoy, he,s an owl fashion boy, id say it was him that was talkin, sittin up pullin gubs, roun the bookies and pubs, listenin and jookin and gawkin neither him nor thon fat wife, worked a day in there life, good for nothing but carrin tales him with his big shiny shoes , talkin up the priests dues, and atin lumps outta the altar rails, its a long road that has no turn, I hope he dies roarin, with the divil at the foot of his bed for as long as hes on the prowl, theres souls to be sowl and JUDAS ill niver be dead they called me into Armagh , to meet a mister McGrath, who tuck down me name and details then he smiled like a chile, and says ill just get your file so I sat there chawin me nails after a short time elapsed, he came back with some snaps says he is that you with the jackhammer ? here your shovelling stones, here your putting out cones so I started to stu stutterer and stammer, what happins nixt , what way am I fixed, does this all mane that im barred oh yes your benefits will cease, well send this file to the police, which theyll treat with the strictest regard, but I wouldnt hold up must hope , for your on a short rope, the evidence is conclusive and ample, so to me its quite clear MR E G Mc Ateer, of you they will make an example ! it come the day of the court, so the wife smoothed me shirt, and sponged down me gaberdeen suit, while I got a wash and a shave,put on a face that looked brave, until the taxi outside it did doot and as I buttoned me coat , I got a lump in me throat, I shook as i walked down the path, for to face the boy with the wig, I was dancin no jig, full sure Id be facin his wrath my worst fears were installed , when the case it was called and the judge called me a dole dodger were paying our taxes for your wifes leg waxes, your a scrounger, a thief and a cadger amonst your kind of folk, its sort of joke, I believe they call it doing the double, but I dont find it that funny ,stealing tax payers money, so ill give you six months for your trouble so they took me down by the han, and put me in a van, and drove me away till me doom when they took aff me cuffs, I was stripped till the buff, and took to the delousing room here me treatment was grim , for i was dusted with Vim, and scrubbed down with a yard brush!! rinsed with a power hose, towl to put on these clothes, and led up to the cells in a rush and as I emptied me po, I was feelin quite low, as the lights went out for the night! so I looked out through me bars, and up at the stars, and lay back and considered me plight, I would just have to face, ive got six months in this place though I considered me sentence quite harsh, and its ha to get snug, neah a black hairy rug, and the flays bitin lumps from your arse ! me cell mate was gerard, he was a boy with a beard, who was in for killin his wife ! she was always whinging and yappin and snarlin and snappin, he was livin a miserable life, so on his way out to mass, he turned on the gas, for he knew she was fond of a fag, an as he went in through the gates, she went out through the slates and of coorse tongues they started to wag , when he questioned and grilled, the beans they were spilled, he agreed that he twisted the knob, now that shes dead as a stone, shes moaned her last moan , i think i done a very good job ! the judge gave him twenty five years, but it fell on deaf ears, no sign of remorse did he show, she made me life not worth livin, and my only misgivin, is I shudda done it a long time ago as the wicks passed away, i got used till the tay, but to the grub I couldn succumb for the bangers and mash, took me out in a rash and the hamburgers tasted like CHUM but fair play to bridie ,she came in every Friday with soda farls an fresh keady bread, that was the highlight of my wick ,I ate till is near sick and slept content in me bed but durin me time in the clink, me health has started to sink and me backs just riddled with pains so as me time draws to a close, ive had me highs and me lows, but im gonna start usin me brains, for im fit for no heavy toil, so its time to uncoil and hang up me shovel and pick so ive lined up a nice handy jab, out in ballymacnab, and im gonna sign on till the SICK !!!!!!!!
Posted on: Sun, 01 Jun 2014 13:56:05 +0000