A watershed moment is a critical turning point in your life - where there is not a choice to go back to the way things were - but one has to continue with this new unexpected change they were given. One day I was sitting at work, and I realized this is a watershed moment in my life, a huge, gigantic, enormous uprooting of the life I had once known. When I got home from work that day, Doug said he had to partition his brain today (he was thinking in computer terms) - but really the same thoughts I had that day. Its been 73 days since CPS decided my children were not safe with Doug and I, and they were removed from us and placed in foster care. 73 Days I have been so ashamed of myself, that I didnt want to share my pain with anyone, for the fears that people will say you reap what you sow. Judge me. Say behind my back, what a horrible person I must be. But today, I changed this page to the watershed moment, because my whole family needs hope and prayers. We are suffering in pain so immense that my chest literally causes me great pain - sometimes i wonder if I will have a heart attack, from a broken heart. I asked Patrick to write a letter to santa - he wants to come home. Trever he circled some toys, but the look in those beautiful blue eyes, they tell a story of loss and pain, This watershed moment is not just shared with Doug and I, but the children, my Dad, My Aunt. This has caused so much pain, and so much stress, that at times I wonder how Im still breathing. The day i knew that I was unable to take another breathe, I found God, and My husband found God, and we are teaching our children all abut Him. Hes the reason, at night, when cry myself to sleep, when I long to kiss the boys to bed, when I wake up and realize once again that this is real, that I can still breathe. Unfortunately we cant turn back to the way our life was, we are not allowed. Now its up to us to come out of this season stronger, or not make it out of it at all. I thought for a long time (73 days) that this is something you dont share with the public. But tonight I chose to, some will wonder why. Some will judge me for this also. But I am a sharing person, I love to share my life with others, I love to hear feedback, to hear that we are being prayed for. I love to know that people care. I dont want to feel this alone.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 09:37:16 +0000
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