After a lot of thought I have decided not to cut my hair. This decision wasnt taken lightly but only after the result of a survey, ignoring the rude and vulgar respondents and those who couldnt bother replying, and fairly lengthy discussions with my Lady Wife, actually a very brief discussion, culminating in whatever, which seemed to indicate that it was up to me. Now I realise there are many of you who would like to know why I have taken this radical step, for those of you who are not interested, stop reading this amazing post...NOW! Thank you to those who are staying for this possibly life changing event (for me). I have decided that, thanks to my now almost flowing locks, to become a symphony orchestra conductor. I have seen many photographs, videos and the like of people who do this sort of thing to make money and travel quite a bit, and there doesnt appear to be anything to this conducting thing. You have to wave your arms around a lot and point that little stick thing at musicians to tell them when to do what. For example, when to blow, pluck, beat or whatever they have to do to make the right noises and when to stop doing all or some of the above. Even when they can rest. Also of course when to be loud or soft. Ive got something similar to that stick thing, a chopstick (plastic) which looks just like the real thing. Not being able to read music shouldnt be a problem because all you have to do is listen to a bit of music and learn what comes where. I have been rehearsing a lot and in a couple of days reckon I should crack Beethovens 9th Symphony. Reason for choosing this piece is because its got music and singing so you cant get bored. I really enjoy the part where the conductor picks up the little stick and taps it on the wooden thing in front of him and the whole orchestra stops doing whatever theyre doing, look at him, instruments all poised and the conductor begins to do his thing and off they go. He can make them go fast or slow, depending on his mood or if he wants to go home early. Hes also got time to admire the females in the orchestra, particularly the one who plays the quite big violin held between her legs. Of course he cant look at the audience because hes got his back to them but they can admire the flowing locks and the grey is so distinguishing and when you really get carried away, arms all over the place, ones hair adds so much to the whole show. You dont have to have the actual music in front of you, Ive seen conductors who dont, obviously they use the same technique Im planning on using. If you want to look like you can read music you can have the music in front of you and every so often turn a page, but make sure you have turned the last page when the orchestra stops playing. Think Ill contact Richard Cock, amazing man, knows about bands and things, offer him my services. Who knows? Carnegie Hall, Berlin Philharmonic, Vienna, whatever. Im really very excited about all of this. Of course I wont be able to conduct anything if it clashes with a rugby test involving the Springboks but I suspect that once Ive become famous Ill be invited to the Presidents Box for all the tests. I wont let my fame and fortune spoil me, Ill still be the same humble person Ive always been. Wonder if Ill get a Knighthood? Sir Anthony. Like the sound. I might even be invited to Nkandla for a concert in the amphitheatre.Thank you for being part of this breaking news. Donations to Kitty and Puppy Haven or any other animal welfare organisation
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 13:03:41 +0000
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