After receiving multiple emails and comments, I decided to take the post down. Unbeknownst to me I have become a role model. Apparently people look at my page for inspiration. I understand, and I apologize for offending anyone. There is one thing Id like you to do for me, and it is to understand that I come from a different place than most of you. I saw things early on in life that would make grown folks want to curl up in a ball and suck their thumbs. I know the ugliness and griminess of life which most of you will never know because you werent chosen for the experience. However, I was. Some of you dont know the muddy boots version of who I was before I became this floral scented version. In my personal life, and in my early career; I faced immortality and stared death in the face on a daily basis. So now, it doesnt take a celebrity dying for me see the value of a life. Ive seen heard, smelled, and even breathed death in as it left the body of the person in front of me. Trust me, the experience doesnt leave you the same way it found you. I have seen MVAs caused by drunks, speed demons, and careless people and forgive me for saying this, but I have a hard time sympathizing with them. Let me clarify, I wrote that post based on what I read. It was stated that I should have empathy because I am a Mother. Yes, I am a Mother and I have so much empathy for others that it physically hurts sometimes (which is one of the reasons why I left E.M.S.) It is a burden that is hard to bear. That field ultimately gives anyone in it, the ultimatum of completely desensitizing, or saving whats left of yourself. In E.M.S. we replace sadness with humor, not because we are mean, but because thats what we have to do in order to save our sanity. I dont expect that yall to know this side of me because I dont allow you to see it. Let me say this though: If youve never rolled up on scene of an MVA, had someone screaming at you to help them, lifted gurneys in the pouring rain, held a strangers hand, wiped tears, or wiped down an ambulance full of another human beings bodily fluids; or, as a wife and Mother... worried about your husband getting killed in the line of duty while you are at home nursing a newborn, dont ever assume you know who I am, or how much empathy I possess. What Ive seen in real life are things most of you glorify and watch on tv for entertainment. It is completely ignorant for a civilian to tell a first-responder the right way to respond to a death. If you had the balls to get out from behind your desk and try 1/2 of what Ive done; well then, and only then, would I value your opinion of me. What I do value are my real friendships. I love my friends for loving me...grit and all. Glad to be rid of the phonies.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Dec 2013 20:23:39 +0000
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