Aigners Axiom: No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will seek to modify the results. The Airplane Law: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. Baruchs Observation: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Bedfellows Rule: The one who snores will always fall asleep first. Berras Second Law: Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked. Blairs Observation: The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal. Bucys Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. The Bureaucracy Principle: Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy. Cole’s Law: thinly sliced cabbage. Dederas Law of Probabilities: In a three-story building served by one elevator, nine times out of ten the elevator car will be on a floor where you are not. Dlotts Law of Certainties: The more actual data there is, the less certain the explanation. Suslicks Religious Corollary: When there is no data, there is complete certainty. Etorres Observation: The other line always moves faster. First Law of Aviation: Takeoff is optional, landing is compulsory. First Law of Debate: Never argue with a fool -- people might not know the difference. First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary. First Law of Travel: It always takes longer to get there than to get back. Glasners Law: If it says one size fits all, it doesnt fit anyone. Goldensterns Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman. Gourds Axiom: A meeting is a event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. Gualtieris Law of Inertia: Where theres a will, theres a wont. Harris Lament: All the good ones are taken. Helgas Rule: Say no, then negotiate. Hellers Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. Hershisers Second Rule: The label NEW and/or IMPROVED means the price went up. Oliver Herfords Rule of Publishing A manuscript is something submitted in haste and returned at leisure. Hocketts Fundamental Principle of Mathmaticizing: If you know exactly how to, you dont have to! Howdens Law: You remember to mail a letter only when youre nowhere near a mailbox. Howes Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work. Munders Corollary to Howes Law: Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does. Imbesis Law of the Conservation of Filth: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. Freemans Extension: … but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean. Jacquins Postulate on Democratic Government: No mans life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. Las Vegas Law: Never be on a loser because you think his luck is bound to change. Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Liebermans Law: Everybody lies, but it doesnt matter since nobody listens. Lynchs Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. McDonalds Corollary to Murphys Laws: In any given set of circumstances, the proper course of action is determined by subsequent events. Meadows Maxim: You cant push on a rope. Meyers Law: In a social situation, that which is most difficult to do is usually the right thing to do. Mitchells Law of Committees: A simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are hold to discuss it. Mollisons Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If any idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented, it wasnt worth doing. Mr. Coles Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is constant; the population is growing. Naglers Comment of the Origin of Murphys Law: Murphys Law was not propounded by Murphy, but my another man of the same name. Ninety Percent Rules of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the take takes ten percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent. Oliviers Law: Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it. Pfeifers Principle: Never make a decision you can get someone else to make. Pudders Law: Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse. The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. Ringwalds Law of Household Geometry: Any horizontal surface is soon piled up. The Roman Rule: The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing. Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch. Schopenhauers Law of Entropy: If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage. Shapiros Explanation: The grass is always greener on the other side - but thats because they use more manure. Simons Law of Destiny: Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Skoffs Law: A child will not spill on a dirty floor. Smiths Law: No real problem has a solution. Sociologys Iron Law of Oligarchy: In every organized activity, no matter the sphere, a small number will become the oligarchical leaders and the others will follow. Stewarts Law of Retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. Suslicks Scheme of Priorities: If it isnt worth doing, it isnt worth doing right. Suslicks Law of Information Transport: Knowledge comes by the truckload, but wisdom arrives one mouthful at a time. Suslicks Law of Threes: It always takes three times to do anything right. The first time you either overshoot or undershoot; the second time you either over-compensate or under-compensate; its not until the third time that you have a chance to get it right. Suslicks Couture: Ties are what administrators use to cut off the flow of blood to their brains. Suslicks Observations on Educational Strata: High School education is learning that which most people know. Undergraduate education is learning that which most people dont know. Graduate education is learning that which no one knows. Suslicks Laws of Management: 1. There is no such thing as a pet shark. 2. If you bring in a shark to get rid of a shark, all you get is a bigger, meaner shark. Suslicks First Law of Maps: All countries are the same size—one map page. (Many Europeans do not realize the sense of scale of the U.S. For example, a visiting French postdoc a few years ago was bitterly disappointed to discover that he couldnt just drive from Illinois over to Colorado to go skiing for the weekend.) Suslicks First Law of Infant Gravity: You cant fall off the floor. Suslicks Second Law of Infant Gravity: It takes an infant 6 months to learn this. Swipples Rule of Order: He who shouts loudest has the floor. Thals Law: For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision. Trischmanns Paradox: A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth. Viles Law of Value: The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs. Westheimers Rule: To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus we allocate 2 days for a one-hour task. Wetherns Law of Suspended Judgment: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 09:16:41 +0000
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