Alright .... I will be slowly easing myself back online as I find the strength at this point ....I am not looking for sympathy I am having a hard time even posting about this but for my own sake I need to do it and let it be.... Here so I have admitted it to myself and all and clear up the confusion. Massive trigger warning ! (mental health, stupid people, suicid)) Slowly I have come to realize. Life is full of sorrow, do not mistake my honesty for a mercy cry. I havent had an easy time and though I cant bring myself to rehash It anymore all I will say is I had suppressed trauma from abuse/domestic violence for six years and shit finally hit the fan. I have been absent .... From reality, from life from all signs of activity, for the most part .... Everything kind of.... All happened at once and I snapped, I had a complete emotional, anxiety break down, I cant stress enough how serious this is, for everyone struggling its just... Its beyond fear, beyond rational, beyond hormones for me it was triggered by an onslaught of stress and pain medication because I was recovering from. Wisdom teeth being removed now at any rate it turned My whole life into a dizzy confused constant nightwear and lead to of course my realizing I cant do this on my own anymore.... I shut myself out of everything not by choice but because ... I couldnt manage I couldnt function and everything overwhelmed me. Im still feeling like Im learning how to breath and walk again sometimes.... Finally I went and had a blood test and all that fun stuff and they diagnosed me with a condition called PTSD, its not the worst thing that could have happened I just have to let myself adjust and avoid my many triggers and calm the hell down basically which sadly isnt easy likely I will delete this because talking about it messes people up when they read this stuff if they get through my whole rant ...but heres the thing, today was a step to recovery, no matter what Im struggling though and let me tell you its exhausting... Emotionally physically met ally I am learning how to communicate verbally because my mind is so scattered I cant really hold the conversation without getting unreasonably tense and or changing the subject and racing though my speech. But despite all this I can promise you this is not going to change me, I wont let it. I will not give in, I got away from the situation in the first place I sure as hell can manage to take a moment to kick this in the butt while I can and I say this because I have tons of support and Im so lucky because ... Admittedly ... Okay is not really what I am yet ... But it was on face book my Rl one right There is a younger child ;(12-13)who has anxiety and depression and an unsupportive family....and had posted they wanted someone to talk to, all they said was they really need someone to talk to for a second of their time because they were desperate and didnt know what to do or who to turn to. And i see couple positive oh feel better soon and those are great really its sweet but then I see... These comments and oh my did a fire burn in my heart fast comments ... Get over it. / Youre fine, youre hot, why arent you happy? Its not rap its in your head why so upset ?, they even referred to her publicly as an attention whore and just kept poking cruelties at her about it ... I slowly realize this was how ignorant people viewed mental illnesses like .... How many families have to fall apart? how many people have to kill themselves, kill other people? All this... Advertising about how people are fighting bullying but thats not the end of it not even close.... All this massive hurt and pain because people dont know when to stop. When? What will It take for people to realize words can cause somebodys already small life into hell? I get so upset, my sister is her age and it scares me to death that this very well could end up taking her from me, dont second guess how easy it is to mentally fall apart and all it takes... A text.... A Facebook post, a voice ... Can save someones life or end it..... I just had to bring this to light I am beyond speechless now I just.... Really? Ok. ))
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 08:13:04 +0000
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