An atheist scientist came to God and said, “We’ve figured out how to make a man without you.” God said, “OK, let me see you do it.” So the atheist bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful. But God stopped him and said, “Oh, no you don’t. Get your own dirt!” I don’t want to go to church today! A mother went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, “I’m not going!” “Why not?” asked his mother. “I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me. Two, I don’t like them.” His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why YOU WILL go to church. One, you’re 47 years old. Two, you’re the pastor!” The coin toss By the time Bobby arrived, the football game had already started. “Why are you so late?” asked his friend. “I couldn’t decide between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin,” said Bobby. “But that shouldn’t have taken too long.” said the friend. “Well, I had to toss it 35 times.” The $100 and $1 Two well-worn bills arrived at the Federal Reserve Bank to be retired – a $100 and a $1. As they traveled down the conveyor belt, they struck up a conversation. The hundred reminisced about the interesting life he had, traveling all over the country. “I’ve been to the finest restaurants, Broadway shows, Las Vegas, and amusement parks,” he said. “I even want on a Caribbean cruise once. Where have you been?” “Oh,” said the one dollar bill, “I’ve been to a Methodist church, an Episcopal church, a Baptist church, and a Lutheran church.” “What’s a church?” asked the hundred. Sandwiches and weddings A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest were good friends. At a picnic one day, the priest was eating a ham sandwich. “You know,” he said to his friend, “this ham sandwich is delicious. I know you’re not supposed to eat ham, but I don’t understand why such a good thing would be forbidden. When will you break down and try it?” To which the rabbi replied, “At your wedding.” Top 10 reasons God made Eve 1. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 2. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 3. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. 4. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist or haircut appointment for himself. 5. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 6. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 7. As the Keeper of the Garden, since he didn’t have metal sheds or greenhouses, Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 8. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 9. As the Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone!” 10. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, “I can do much better than that!” My dad is better than your dad Three boys on the playground were bragging about their dads. One said. “My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a song and they pay him $50.” “Oh, yeah. My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a poem and they pay him $100.” “That’s nothing,” said the third kid. My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a sermon and it takes six people to collect all the money in the room!” A four year old’s description of creation In the beginning, which was close to the start, there wasn’t anything except God, darkness and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord, thy God, is one,” but I think He has to be much older than that. Anyway, God made the world and then He said, “Give me some light,” and somebody gave it to Him. He split an atom and made Eve. Adam and Eve didn’t wear any clothes, but they weren’t embarrassed because God hadn’t invented mirrors, yet. Adam and Eve sinned by eating one bad apple and they were driven out of the Garden of Eden. I’m not sure what God drove them in because He hadn’t invented cars, either. Adam and Eve’s son, Cain, hated his brother as long as he was Abel. After a while, all of the first people died, except Methuselah, who lived to be, like, a million years old. Jonah and the whale One day, a teacher was talking to her first grade class about whales when a little girl had a question. Little Girl: “Do whales swallow people?” Teacher: “No, even though they are much bigger than a person, they have throat pleats that filter their food of krill and plankton. Little Girl: “But Mrs. Thurston says Jonah was swallowed by a whale.” Teacher getting angry: “Blue whales cannot swallow people.” Little Girl: “Well, when I get to heaven I’ll just ask Jonah if he was really swallowed by a whale.” Teacher, still red with anger: “What if Jonah went to hell?” Girl: “Well, then you can ask him.” Hymns for Christians over 65 years old Give Me the Old Timers Religion Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up Just a Slower Walk with Thee Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing Guide Me, O Thou, Great Lord God, I’ve Forgotten Where I’ve Parked The Car Count Your Many Birthdays, Count Them One By One Blessed Insurance It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt By the way, if you think these jokes are funny, you should read this other article I wrote that gives about 30 more Christian jokes. CHRISTIAN JOKES & OTHER FUNNY STORIES THAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE QUESTION: Do you have any clean, funny Christian jokes? If yes, write them below in the comments section so we can all have a good laugh! * Image credit: Matt Leucht (Creation Swap) Join 17,000+ Happy People and Live the Life You’ve Always Wanted Filed Under: Christianity Comments Charles Specht says August 18, 2012 at 9:02 am DO YOU HAVE ANY CLEAN, FUNNY CHRISTIAN JOKES? IF YES, WRITE THEM BELOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION SO WE CAN ALL HVE A GOOD LAUGH! Reply ngekhiswil says December 24, 2013 at 12:23 am i like christian jokes alote and also like making people laugh Reply Charles Specht says February 25, 2014 at 1:05 pm for sure! Reply twesigye wilbert says April 24, 2014 at 4:54 am great joke Reply Ted and Carol says July 12, 2014 at 12:29 pm We love your blog! Blessings, Ted and Carol Reply Alex Larson says August 18, 2012 at 11:48 pm Christian pick-up lines: #1: “My parents are home, wanna come over?” #2: “I didn’t believe in predestination until now.” #3: “Is it hot in here or is that just the Holy Spirit burning inside of you?” #4: “I was reading my Bible the other day, and I was wondering if you know what Paul meant by “greet one another with a holy kiss?” #5: “How many times do I have to walk around you before you fall for me?” #6: “So I was reading the book of Numbers the other day and realized I don’t have yours.” (borrowed from a friend) Reply Charles Specht says August 19, 2012 at 3:13 pm Alex, these are great! I am going to try to compile a list of these. Good start! Reply Charles Specht says August 21, 2012 at 10:46 pm By the way, Alex, have you used any of these six charmers above? I assume they didn’t work? Hee hee. Reply Allison Mayer- Perry says October 19, 2012 at 11:29 pm A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest were good friends. At a picnic one day, the priest was eating a ham sandwich. “You know,” he said to his friend, “this ham sandwich is delicious. I know you’re not supposed to eat ham, but I don’t understand why such a good thing would be forbidden. When will you break down and try it?” To which the rabbi replied, “At your wedding.” So Father never checks his email or I’d send that one too him! I’ll be sure to tell it to him sometime, hes the kind who could laugh and not be offended. Reply Charles Specht says October 20, 2012 at 11:20 am Nice one. Reply facebook/ churchstreetinfo says June 10, 2013 at 10:36 am A Christian Puppy A Baptist couple decide that they want to get a dog. As they are walking down the street in town, they notice that a sign in the pet shop is advertising “Christian Puppies.” Their interest piqued, they go inside. “How do you know they’re Christian puppies?” “Watch,” says the owner, as he takes one of the dogs and says, “Fetch the Bible.” The dog runs over to the desk, and grabs the Bible in its mouth and returns. Putting the Bible on the floor, the owner says, “Find Psalm 23.” The dog flips pages with its paw until he reaches the right page, and then stops. Amazed and delighted, the couple purchase the dog and head home. That evening, they invite some friends over and show them the dog, having him run through his Psalm 23 routine. Impressed, one of the visitors asks “Does he also know ‘regular’ commands?” “Gee, we don’t know. We didn’t ask,” replies the husband. Turning to the dog, he says, “Sit.” The dog sits. He says, “Lie down.” The dog lies down. He says “Roll over.” The dog rolls over. He says “Heel.” The dog runs over to him, jumps up on the sofa, puts both paws on the owner’s forehead and bows his head. “Oh look!” the wife exclaims. “He’s PENTECOSTAL!” Reply Cassandra Downing says January 29, 2014 at 9:41 am Bahahahaha!!!!! That one made me really laugh out loud! Reply Charles Specht says February 25, 2014 at 1:06 pm me too Reply fridah says February 25, 2014 at 1:05 pm A boy who doesn’t usually go to church is forced by his parent to go.at church he finds dat its buptising day.the pastor says “in the name of the father,the son and the holly spirit.you are now a new creation!”dipping people 3 tym in water.the boy was impressed.he went home,filled a bath tub with water,took a beer,dipping it 3 times in water and said “you are a new creation!I now pronounce you coca cola. EXCUSE TO DRINK BEER Reply Charles Specht says February 25, 2014 at 1:06 pm hilarious! Reply standingupforJC says August 5, 2013 at 9:11 pm Nyahaha! This really made me laugh… out loud! =D Reply Charles Specht says February 25, 2014 at 1:07 pm me too Reply nick says September 2, 2013 at 12:04 pm What did the church mice preachers proclaim to the lost mice? ‘Get Cheesus!’ Reply Twesigye wilbert kajumbura says November 21, 2013 at 9:20 pm J love those jokes thy keep my heart joyous Reply Oluwaloni peter says January 26, 2014 at 5:46 am A young boy was found standing on a bible and he was asked; why his standing on a bible and the boy said today in church our pastor told us to stand on the word of God. Reply Charles Specht says February 25, 2014 at 1:08 pm nice! Reply frank says February 1, 2014 at 9:05 pm how does Moses make coffee … Hebrews it Reply Charles Specht says February 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm As a coffee lover, I love this one! Reply DakariaChapman says April 5, 2014 at 2:21 pm THIS IS A FUNNNNNNNYY JOKE Reply Danny says April 19, 2014 at 5:25 am There were two pastors in a small town. One was always jealous of the other and jumped at the chance to embarrass him in public. One day the good pastor had just given an amazing sermon and the congregation stood up and started clapping heavily. The jealous pastor shouted, ” I heard that same sermon a year ago.” The good pastor stated,” Oh really, I heard you speak just last week and I don’t remember a word you said.” Reply shan shan says April 29, 2014 at 6:36 am hahahahahjhahhaahhahaha Reply Albert Praise Phori says July 8, 2014 at 12:55 am I felt inlove with this Christian Joke side. Dat’s pure creativeness. So keep on doing good, and God bls U Reply Anonymous says July 28, 2014 at 2:51 pm Lol hey this christian jokes are really amazing ha ha ha Reply Erin says August 8, 2014 at 6:52 pm There was a very old, rich man who realized he was dying, and he kept praying very earnestly that he be allowed to take 1 suitcase full of gold with him to heaven. One night an angel appeared to him and said, “God has heard your prayers. When you die, you can take one suitcase full of anything you want.” The man finally died and showed up at the pearly gates with his suitcase, but St. Peter stopped him and said, “You can’t take that in here!” The man answered, telling him what the angel had said. St. Peter made the man wait at the gate while he verified his story, and then said reluctantly, “Apparently it’s okay. Come on in. But will you tell me what it was you so desperately wanted to bring to heaven?” The man showed him all the gold bars he had packed carefully into the suitcase. Peter’s mouth hung open in disbelief. “You could have brought ANYthing! Why did you bring paving stones?” Reply Kit says August 25, 2014 at 7:42 pm I didn’t really think your jokes were that funny. Here is one that I like a lot. Title: “Devil in church” Devil walks into church one day, sits right down in the front row seat. Scares the whole congregation. Everybody flees out all the exits, leaving only two people in the church besides the devil. The Pastor and a old man, a farmer. The devils says to the Pastor, now I know why your not afraid of me, because God protects all his preachers, but the devil says to the old mad the farmer. But Sir I can’t figure out why your not scared of me. So the old man, said to the devil, “Well why should I be scared of you” I’ve been married to your sister for 47 years. Reply Kit says August 25, 2014 at 7:53 pm I have another Christian joke, Title:” Man praying to God” Man is praying to God, saying I follow all your commandments, I don’t live in vain, could you please grant me one wish: God says, what would you like my son? Man says build me a bridge from California to Hawaii and back. God says: That’s kind of a tall order: Can you give me something much easier? The man says, okay God tell me everything there is to know about a woman and why she thinks the way she thinks: And Goes says, so do you want a two lane or a four lane bridge! Reply Kit says August 25, 2014 at 8:03 pm I grues there’s no going back to the posted jokes and correcting any spelling. As I have had a stroke and my left arm is paralyzed and I only type with my index finger. And I’m always making spelling errors. Oh well. My stroke is what brought me to Jesus Christ back in 2005. I have quite a testimony of how I became a reborn Christian. At the age of 55 yrs. old. I’m now almost 64 yrs. old coming October 1st. I was born in Pierre, South Dakota in 1950. And now I carry the cross 7 days a week. And my name is Kit Tunney Telford Reply Leave a Reply Your email address will not be published. Name Email Website Comment POST COMMENT Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 13:30:18 +0000
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