An email I received from a student this week. A great look at this months life skill Confidence: Confidence: a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something. NO, NO, NO – not this word. Please, anything but this word. Confidence is a tricky, tricky little bugger. You want me to Look, Sound & Feel confident? I’m already zoning out just thinking about it (sad to say, I really do “zone” out just when I want to do my very best). Such a strange and uncomfortable feeling of not being in control of the moment, but it happens. Asking me to Look, Sound & Feel confident is like asking me to move a mountain! Quick, where’s the magic wand? There must be an easy way out of this. I think we were all born with confidence, but somewhere along the line, over 35-40 years ago, I “learned” not to be confident and it’s extremely challenging to “unlearn” and retrain my inner voice. I always hope -- and subconsciously, expect -- other people (i.e., mainly my husband and my ATA instructors) to spoon feed confidence to me. Hmmm, doesn’t work so well, as it shouldn’t. Compliments are nice and even welcome, but I know in my heart that my confidence has to come from me actually doing things outside of my comfort zone. Here I go…zoning out! I guess I have to fake it ‘til I make it. It’s not always going to be pretty and exactly how I want it to go. In reality, the only thing I can expect from my ATA instructors is to continue to provide a comfortable learning environment where we are actually allowed to make mistakes. It’s up to me to accept the support, guidance and plenty of opportunities to improve. Spoon-feeding confidence to someone is probably the same as bringing the horse to water….you can’t make him drink it. I think we all hold our own magic wand and we can use it to retrain our thoughts. Trust me, I wish I could move a mountain, but in reality I can only move one rock at a time. There will be days when I choose to move a small rock because I’m in the process of unlearning low self-confidence and going through all the hurdles that go along with it. That’s when I have to be okay with realizing that nothing and no one is perfect. I’m not so sure there is a finish line that says “congratulations, you are now 100% confident in everything you do”. Just for today I will use my magic wand and tell myself to have an open mind as I go through this journey. Just for today I tell myself that it’s okay to fail as long as I pick myself up and try again. And, finally, just for today I tell myself not to think too much!! Thinking too much keeps me in my comfort zone and prevents me from moving the large rocks. Here’s how I see ATA with & without confidence: Entering ATA “without” confidence: Hello Sir, Hello Ma’am: Today I am worried about making mistakes in class and doing something wrong, so I’m going to stay in my comfort zone to avoid failure. Don’t ask me to take any risks because it’s scary and uncomfortable. And for goodness sake, I want an easier board to break because in my mind I already broke a bone!! Entering ATA “with” confidence Hello Sir, Hello Ma’am: I’m here and so excited to have this opportunity to learn from you as I work on my goals. I understand my goals are unique and really shouldn’t be compared to what anyone else is doing. We are all at different levels and that’s okay!! I can only compare myself to how I was yesterday and strive to be just a little bit better today! Today’s class is just another opportunity for me to “Look, Sound & Feel” more confident.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 17:41:56 +0000
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