Anyone currently like me, really need to go to sleep but cant stop refreshing Stephens Just Giving page and watching it get closer and closer to that £1 million pound mark. I met Stephen at the Teenage Cancer Trust gig in March. To be honest I wasnt really paying attention. I was thinking about the gig, about 5000 strong audience, I was thinking about what my opening jokes were going to be, I was, in all honesty, thinking about myself and what I was about to do. Then you meet the teenagers who you are doing the gig for and your perception changes, I had a picture with Stephen and we chatted a little, I was impressed with him. I knew he was sick obviously but I just presumed with him being at the gig, he was one of the lucky ones who would get better. But I was wrong. 19 years old and about to die. My god, it just doesnt bare thinking about does it? I know any age is too soon, I think even if I go at 112 Ill be thinking no not yet! But theres something about 19, I dont know, its a romantic age, its just the beginning of so many things isnt it? I spent so many days just laughing and making my mates laugh, I went out with friends and hung out with my Dad, played with our dog and walked with my friends. I was in a band, oh man we were gonna play Wembley, Id play football for hours and drink and eat and just laugh, I laughed every single day about something or other. Kids and jobs and bills and debts were just all things that i didnt think about, they were things that happened to someone else, someone older. I watched box sets after box sets of crap american telly, I went out and danced at the student union and I was convinced that girls were the greatest thing ever created (I still am) and I spent my days thinking about them and wondering how I could get nearer to them. I didnt bother watching a sunset because I knew Id see hundreds, thousands more, sometimes Id go days, weeks without seeing my family because I was out, having too much of a good time. I wasted so many hours just sleeping, and playing the computer and chatting, boy could I chat! But about what? Anything and everything, I was 19, i knew everything there was to know, and no one was going to tell me otherwise. I was starting out as a comedian, I was good, not as good as I thought I was but had something, believed in myself, surrounded myself with people who encouraged me, who made me believe that life was mine, that the world was mine for the taking, all I had to do was stick around long enough and life would sort me out. Remember that moment? My God, I do. Imagine all that being taken away from you. Imagine none of the years since you were 19 hadnt happened. I read Stephens Story a few hours ago and felt so helpless. I popped into my sleeping childrens room, sat on my daughters bed and closed my eyes as they welled up and said a prayer to no one in particular. Cancer is horrible, its one of a million things that could not only take us away, but could take our children away from us. I have visited so many wards for the Teenage Cancer Trust and met some fabulous kids who are going through something they just shouldnt have to. Part of me selfishly thinks maybe if I do all these nice things nothing will happen to my beautiful children. I look at my own daughters rights now; their beautiful soft hair and smooth skin and think the worst, for a split second the most horrible sense of loss falls over me and tears fall from my face. If I ever lost these perfect dolls, I dont know what Id do. I want them to have everything I didnt get as a child, but also everything I did get, my parents couldnt fill my life with possessions but they filled it with love, and hope and made me excited to be alive. I want all children to feel excited at being alive. Stephen, even till today, was excited at being alive. He didnt focus on the fact he was leaving the party early, he was just thinking thank you for letting me come to the party at all. He wasnt focussing on the things he would never see, children of his own, a home, a wife; no, he is one of those rare humans who focuses on the amazing things life has given him so far, on his family and friends, and the amazing random gift that life actually is in the first place, no matter how long we get to have it for. I need to dry my face, and I need to go to bed. Some of you keep saying what I have done is special, but Im just a silly clown who occasionally realises how lucky I am. Its Stephen who is special for dedicating his last few months to not only raising money for this fabulous charity, but also raising hope. So many children who arent well or dying of this terrible disease can look up to him and see that life, as fleeting as it is, is still the longest thing any of us do, and its up to us to make sure we fill it with special moments with special people. Im rambling now, but thank you internet strangers once again, we dont really know each other properly but what we have done tonight is heartwarming at the very least. One dying boy wished for one magnificent thing, not for himself but for the benefit of hundreds of other children, and we, even in our little way, have been able to help. Goodnight God bless Stephen Sutton, sleep peacefully knowing that you made a difference. I will remember you every time I catch myself taking life for granted, I I will think of you. It was an honour to have met you, you superb boy. Jason https://justgiving/Stephen-Sutton-TCT https://facebook/StephensStory
Posted on: Tue, 22 Apr 2014 23:29:29 +0000
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