As I sit and write this, its the first time in several days... weeks... That Ive been able to gather my thoughts. My son laying beside me, sound asleep, he looks so peaceful. While he looks like that now, I know that inside his head hes fighting demons, that I just cant fight off for him, that some days he just cant fight. Ive spoken briefly about our struggle, but havent spoken open and honestly. I cant wrap my head around the fact that a child can hurt the way he hurts, I want to blame myself, others, something... Just to give a tangible explanation for all of this, and yet theres no one to blame. Mental illness can hit anyone, it doesnt discriminate. In the past month, my son has attempted suicide 4 times!! Let that sink in... Today I woke up late for class... While I was driving, I made a wrong turn, and then something just felt off like there was a reason I missed my turn... And then the phone rang. Its a phone call no one wishes they receive, especially from a school. He had been sent to sit in the hall to cool down during this cooling down time there was no one around. When the teacher went to check on him, she found him beat red, about to seize, he had been chocking himself. This is something I have encountered before, he has attempted this several times, he has even gone so far to put a knife to his throat. He is to have constant 24/7 supervision. He bathes with the door open, he even goes to the washroom with the door open right now. This is our reality, and this is what Ae face each day. I dont blame the school one bit, they have been more then understanding, we always want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately today was not the day to do this. They sat with him, while I arrived. He was immediately taken to see a psychologist for an emergency appointment. We spent the morning there. While we havent gotten all the answers, we are making some headway in getting the proper treatment. Not a morning goes by where my first thought isnt Will today be the day?, will he finally succeed, what can we do to prevent it today this has become another reality of my life right now. We have come so far from when I first saw the signs, to where we are now.... But I know theres still so much further we need to go. I dont write this for pity... I dont want that, I do wish for understanding, and awareness that this is an actual problem amongst Children. I want parents to see the signs, it can start off small, like some behaviour issues, or isolation, not getting work done on time. For some kids that may just be a phase but for other it could be the start of a bigger problem. It breaks my heart that he has all these problems he faces, and I know it breaks his too. He has begged, and pleaded to feel normal he knows that what he feels isnt right, he knows that theres something better out there for him then to be trapped by these demons. Today he found out hes not alone! Theres others just like him out there too. Parents please... Advocate for your children if you feel somethings not right. Eventually someone WILL listen. Always listen to your kids, and what theyre trying to tell you. Always hug them, and tell them you love them. It really could be the only thing that keeps them going.
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 04:22:59 +0000
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