As I sit her this morning, trying to figure out how to wrap the few remaining things I have without my nosy daughter seeing them, I reflect on 2014 and the trials it presented me, us as a family, the fear, the pain, the relief, the joy, and I realize how much over this past year, and over the past six years, my perspective on life has changed. You see, cancer has come to me more than once, so I feel every day for me is a bonus. Every moment is something I savor, I listen to every laugh , capture it, and lock it away so that I can replay it over and over when Im fearful or sad. I look at my family differently. I memorize every feature of their faces, every gesture, expression. I people watch more, and take joy in watching a father chase his child to the swings at the park. I watch my daughter with her grandparents, and the way she makes them smile and laugh and feel what it does to my heart. I watch my son with his wife, and see the love in their eyes as they look at each other, something others probably wouldnt see....but I do. I watch rain drops travel down glass, and see the beauty in it. I hear the wind, and the rumble of a far off storm much more clearly and wonder in the power of it all. I dont want to waste time........being angry.......worrying......trying to fix things I cant control.......trying to make people happy who are only happy if they arent. I want to live, breathe, wake up each day and enjoy the roof over my head, my drive into work, the trip to the grocery..........listening to the kids play in the other room while I fix them a snack they dont know is coming. The holidays can be a difficult time, they always have been for me. I miss my dad, and always will. But this year, Im finding peace in that. Im leaving 2014 behind, not with animosity for the hand it dealt me, but with thanks to all the friends who supported me and prayed for me, to the family who stands by me no matter what, for an employer who has been supportive and understanding, for by two wonderful children, for my amazing brother, husband, in-laws, mother, and father in heaven. Im thankful for the doctors who have taken such amazing care of me so that I can enjoy the laughs, watch the raindrops, listen to the kids play. I am blessed, a thousand times over, without a doubt, and sometimes need a kick in my tail to remind me of that. I wish all my friends and family all over the world a very happy holiday, and hope for a prosperous new year full of joy and things to be thankful for. Let us all hope that the coming year brings peace to our world and our hearts. Thank you for being so supportive this year. I cannot express what it has meant to me.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 15:36:03 +0000
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