As I sit here trying to put these feelings into action pleading with you to understand. the words slip from my grasp and Im left feeling even more helpless then before. Heavenly Father what is this that Im feeling where has the fight gone and why am i struggling I turn to you in my frustration this madness runs wild setting off explosions of self-doubt and inadequacy I searched my whole heart trying to find what we once shared a bond so close I knew without a doubt your son lived and died for me but alone Im standing hands stretched out wanted nothing more than to feel your grace wash over me tell me Im worthy tell me youll never leave me Im on my knees Im surrendering Ive been abandoned and broken left to my own devices and made a mess of this life your blood was shed to provide me Lord why have you forsaken me in this my darkest of hour just like everyone else pretty words and empty promises if your way is the light why has this darkness surronded me the battle is lost I cant take this regret my cup has run dry and this emptiness is suffocating, my voice is weak i cant be found Im ready to put down my cross and abandon the heart you gave me selfishness and double mindedness suites my purpose best Im ready to walk out the door living is just to hard the dead feel nothing need nothing but to indulge in their own selfish whims. Im standing at the door more broken then before staring at my reflection in the plain glass window door ur right behinded me arm strectched out u whisper to me before u go you should know that it was i who held u all those nights u cried urself to sleep and it was i who rescued you from operation and depression addiction and self modulation if you only stopped to listen! It was you standing in the way of the greatest love story ever told your voice to loud to hear anything other then ur pain now i ask you why have u left me alone and broken bleeding on the cross i gave of my slef so that i in you could live was it not enough to bare the scars of condemnation and sin that u still ask more of me what more can i do if my life wasnt enough have i not said ask and u shall receive seek me and you shall find but u ask of me nothing only complain of ur pain and what Im not doing right for you? But go ahead and walk out that door turn ur back on me and my love for u i have done all i can but just know Id do it all again to see your face when i spoke my last words it is done and surrendered my life my gift i gave my promise to you so when ever your ready Ill be here right where u left me. In a blink of an ee what felt like forever i looked at my hand still holding the door knob once so sure of the decision i was making a brutal reality when you realize the selfishness of ur ways the hardness of ur heart and the brokenness of your soul what Good is your crying if u never stop to listen to the comforting embrace surrounding you what good is ur sacrifice if doesnt cause u discomfort and what good is ur life when you wont surrender it to the one who died to know you.
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:49:35 +0000
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