As I sit in this hospital waiting to be discharged, nothing else comes to mind but, WHY? And now what? After being unsure for the last past weeks leading up to today, I realized I wanted my baby. I had begun to anticipate the swollen ankles and feet, the uncomfortable breathing and hot summer days where I would be too fat to move!! I was looking forward to the kicks, hell even the needle pricks!! Ive never had a problem pregnancy before, which I guess is the reason Im so lost right now. I keep feeling like there is something I could have done. Maybe if I would have come here a little sooner. to see those tiny hands and feet, broke my heart. I need to figure out how not to blame myself. How not to harbor resentment towards my God for this happening. How not to turn myself into a victim, and not find myself the only guest at my pity party. I have to remind myself that a miscarriage does not begin the end of my life. I need to know that this happened for a greater good and not a work the devil. I must remember to look at my 3 children and be thankful for the lives that were brought to be, through me. I accept this. * Today, as lost as I am, i need for not only my steps to be guided, but guide my thoughts, guide my heart. In this time of suffrage, guide my emotions, guide my sanity. In my Gods name I follow.* R.I.P. Piers Skylar Marie 3/13/14
Posted on: Fri, 14 Mar 2014 02:01:58 +0000
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