As im sitting here typing this, with tears overflowing in my eyes, I am reminded by the overwhelming response of love and support of #TEAMNIKKI that I am not alone and I do have some DAM GOOD FRIENDS, FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO ARE JUST LIKE MY BLOOD!!!! On this day, back in April of 2010, I had went to two of my trusted Drs whom I had previously worked for and had them run a series of tests because I was just not feeling like myself. My usual energetic, love to dance, love to workout, love to run around with my kids, love to be on the go self was just not in the mood, extremely fatigued ALL OF THE TIME and for the love of me, I could not get rid of these flu-like symptoms, was constantly getting sick & this extreme lower back pain that just WOULD NOT QUIT. Well, after my STAT results came back, A LOT of things were just not lining up. My blood levels were out of whack and extremely low, platelet counts were extremely low, white blood cell counts extremely low, among other things. I was sent in for a second opinion in Houma, La with another trusted physician whom Id previously worked for and after his findings came back and I was already in stage 2 of 3, in which this cancer only goes to stage3... it was then my journey with Multiple Myeloma began. So, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 after having moved back to Atlanta, GA by then, I began treatment for cancer at Atlanta Cancer Care Specialists. My WHOLE WORLD changed and everything began moving sooooooooo fast! It was like a ball of confusion, mixed emotion, am I going to die tomorrow, when am I going to die, what the hell happened, how did this happen, who has ever had this type of cancer in my family, how do I tell Jarvis, when should I tell my kids, what am I going to tell my kids, when do I tell anybody, cant I just keep it to myself, maybe it will go away after my first treatment, chemotherapy...oh God! I HAD SO MANY THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS GOING ON AND WHO COULD I TURN TO???? I ALREADY HAD SOOOOOOOO MUCH GOING ON IN MY LIFE AND SURELY DID NOT NEED THIS. GOD WHAT DID I DO SO BAD IN MY LIFETIME TO BE PUNISHED LIKE THIS? OK, NAKIA, GET A DAM GRIP! MY VERY FIRST REACTION AFTER THAT WAS, WHAT WOULD DARRELL DO? LOL. My Daddy made me THE most STUBBORN FEMALE on the face of the earth so I KNEW I had to put my BIG GIRL draws on and keep it moving! I knew whatever it was to have cancer, be a wife and mother, while continuing to work full-time was NOT going to be easy, BUT I HAD to do it! Needless to say, I had to resign from my job because of seizures and added stress. After my first stem cell transplant, I realized then I could not be SUPERWOMAN ANY longer! But, not having family here was NOT going to be easy, so I HAD TO BE WONDER WOMAN and tackle the majority of this on my own!!! My husband was in denial and did not want to talk about ANY of it. He didnt even want to come to my Dr appts at first and EVEN now, he doesnt share anything with family or friends. People will ask him how I am and hell say, shes doing good REGARDLESS OF THE TRUTH, but thats ok, thats his way of coping. I didnt tell my kids until almost a year into my treatment....it may have been denial on my part, but mostly just a Mother trying to protect her kids. It HAS been HELL for the most part, especially in the very first couple of years trying to not only fight for my life, but in the fight of just having to get people to UNDERSTAND and get the support I really needed from family and who I thought were my friends UNTIL I realized....THE ONLY PERSON I NEED TO FIGHT FOR WAS MYSELF AND THE LOVE OF GOD WHO WILL GET EVERYONE ELSE AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN ORDER!!!!! This has been a JOURNEY unlike NO OTHER, but throughout it all, I AM OH SO THANKFUL, OH SO GRATEFUL, OH SO PRAYERFUL AND OH SO BLESSED to be surrounded by those who DO matter, those who DO care, those people I LOVE WITH MY HEART AND SOUL! My prayer is that people will continue to love each other and support one another, no matter the illness or issue. That we regain that compassion we once had...IT IS SO NEEDED IN THIS WORLD TODAY! PLEASE BELIEVE ME...I DO A SELF CHECK DAILY TO MAKE SURE AND TO REPENT WHEN I KNOW I HAVE DONE WRONG, HAD BAD THOUGHTS, HOLDING A GRUDGE OR UNFORGIVENESS, ETC. None of us know what may be lurking inside of us, no one knows how they will succumb to their end, but what we do EVERY hour of the day and how we affect others does matter! THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR CONTINUED PRAYERS, LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!! IT IS NEVERRRRRRRR TAKEN LIGHTLY OR NOT APPRECIATED. WHEN I SAY I LOVE YOU, PLEASE BELIEVE THAT IT IS TRUE. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS ABUNDANTLY AND MAY HE CONTINUE TO SUPPLY ALL OF YOUR NEED, WANTS AND DESIRES
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 16:52:43 +0000
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