As someone who lost a close family member to suicide, and recieve messages every day from folks who, like me, have felt the barrel on their temples, I feel a responsibility to say something about Robin Williams passing, but I am focusing my own thoughts on how many great, hard miles he ran rather than that he finally fell down. I have to think that Robin and my grandmother got stuck in a headspace they couldnt get out at that time, but could have. Not that anything anyone couldve said wouldve helped, but that another day wouldve seen them been back on this side of the ledge. Maybe even a few feet away. I lived close to the edge myself for so long, now sitting down a mile away is odd. I know for a fact that if Id taken myself off the board when the game looked inevitably rigged to make me lose, Id never have achieved the greatest wins of my life. Id have missed a thousand hugs and kisses from the brightest lights in my life. I dont blame them for falling over during a dark moment. I just wish theyd had another minute, another hour, whatever, to step back. Robin Williams and Bill Murray were the touchstones of comedy in my childhood. They made it okay to let the silly in, when so much of my life seemed dark. So many of us are in that same boat, feeling so sad to know that beacons like Robin Williams could have harbored such darkness. I think thats far more common than people realize, that desperate attempt to be the lights we know people need, because we are achingly aware of the ever-present darkness. Because our species sees patterns in everything, every low point looks like the inevitable conclusion of every event in our lives, just like every high point. But really, we have to ignore both of those bits of nonsense and keep going, knowing itll always be amazing AND terrible, and thats what makes it so worth doing. In Mr. Williamss case, I hope hes found some sort of peace and am focusing entirely on the incredible, positive impact hes had on my life, all our lives. I am sad he carried so much pain, but so proud of him for using it to fuel so much great art, to share all that beauty and silliness and hope and truth with everyone. What more could an artist want to leave behind than a legacy like that? Thanks for all the miles you ran. All the light you gave my life. Good work, you flying, alien, genie teacher. Thanks for all the magic. Well be worse of without you, but I feel greedy for wanting more of that light. You gave us so much. Hugs and neverbugs for everyone who felt this colossal loss and wrote me to ask if I was okay. I am. Because I found my happy thought. And youll never guess. It was you.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:51:38 +0000
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