Assalamu alaikum.... Hope everyone is doing great by the grace of Allah SWT I wanted to discuss a topic with my fellow Muslims, I think its something to be discussed about, but first I want to mention, please forgive me if I say anything wrong, I certainly have no experience in this field but I learn from what I see, and alhamdulillah I think I have a great deal of knowledge concerning this matter, so Allahu allam. And btw, please do not take it personally... Nowadays, you will see that married couples dont get along with one another, they are always arguing over small things and theres always dissagreements, and dishonesty, and a time comes when the couples cannot even stand the mere shadow of their spouses. Marrige is a commitment to Allah, striving in Allahs path to pleasure Him, One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive. Couples may enter marriage with high-flying romantic ideas and expecting their partner to be the ideal human. But all humans have good and bad points. Husbands and wives have to learn to accept each other, warts and all. The key is to focus on being caring, fond of and accepting each other and giving each other sufficient space. Doing this provides a necessary balance in a relationship which is so close physically and emotionally. Much better for you is to let the faults remain and learn to love your spouse despite the faults. As long as the fault is not one that is bad in the Shari’ah (i.e. prohibited by Islamic law), leave it alone. Look at all the virtues that overshadow the fault. Learn to forgive because you also need forgiveness. If not from him/her then definitely from Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said (meaning), ‘The one who hides the faults of others in this life, Allah will hide his faults on the Day of Judgment.’ He or she is your spouse. Your spouse is not a patient and you are not a doctor. They did not marry you because they wanted to be changed or improved. They married you because they loved you and you loved them despite the faults. Try to recall that every time Satan reminds you of their faults. This is the love that Allah talks about when He says that He has put it between the spouses. Like all hidden wealth, it has to be accessed or it will remain buried under the sand. There is no limit to expressing love for one another. Do it day and night. Do it on occasions and without any reason. Do it just for the pleasure of doing it and you will realize that in the giving it enriches you even more. In case of the women, they are abit too emotional and sentimemtal, they may cry often and get hurt easily and so for some husbands, they might find it annoying, they might think oh why does she always cry and mope around? My advice to brothers, if you see your wives depressed and crying, dont just sit there and watch her cry, be like a real man and go up to her, show her your concern, show it to them not just by words but action too, coz they want to be feeled loved and suppourted,thats how Allah swt created them so you have to accept that. So instead of saying things like oh just get over it will you comfort them,let them know you are there for them sisters: Your husband is the Ameer ( head) of the household. Give him his rights and respect, and Allah will give you your rights. Also, You already know men have a hard time admitting they are wrong. In fact, some men refuse to say it, and this is very dangerous for them, but also for you too. Be careful not to force the issues with him when he is upset. Treat him like the baby that he is imitating. Really, just take it easy and keep your cool. Allah will reward you and inshallah, Allah will guide your husband back on track. Brothers, do not chase after the small errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. Know her limits. Remember what the Quran says about women and rib bones? It is curved and if you force it to go straight it will break. This is the case with women, for Allah (swt) knows best and is giving you sound advice. Never call her lazy. If what she does doesn’t directly hurt you then ask yourself if it can be overlooked. Her not doing something doesn’t mean she is defying you, it just means it isn’t in her to be able to do it. (She is curved remember, not straight.) Sometimes brothers and sisters cant take their married life any longer so they want a divorce, they want to get out of that life but let me ask you one thing, do you think that when you marry someone else that your life will be all colourful again, there wont be Problems in your life? Dont you think he/she too will have flaws? If you couldnt get along with someone just because of the way he is then what makes you think that you can get along and lead a happy life withsome one else? Because everyone has been created differently and everyone has flaws. Brothers and sisters, everyone goes through ups and down in life, everyone passes that stage in life so if you think that divorce is the solution to your problem then you are wrong because even if you get married again you will still be facing problems, thats how life is and married life is certainly complicatd. For the spouse, his or her companion is their best friend. The marriage is a contract where the spouses are undertaking to make each other, their best friends from this day on. It is important to remember however that friendship is only as good as the amount of investment you make in it. It is not magic. It is not automatic. It does not happen. It is made. Consciously. With effort. And the returns are directly proportional to the investment. It is necessary to spend time with your spouse, not with your other friends in some club. It is necessary to develop common interests. It is necessary to take pleasure in each other’s work and activity. It is necessary to support each other in all that is good. It is necessary to ensure that you give feedback with care and concern and never in public. Marriage in Islam is therefore a commitment of integrity, love, respect and mercy that the spouses are undertaking to make to each other in the presence of Allah who is Witness to all our thoughts, intentions and actions. Allah to bless this union, to fill the lives of these young people with His Mercy and to make them Standard Bearers of Islam in every sense of the term so that when they stand before Him on the Day when all of us will stand before Him, He will be pleased with them. I ask the same dua for all of us. . p.s My apologies for anything I have said wrong with lots of love and respect
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 21:05:57 +0000
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