At 10:15 am this morning I sat in a court room at the Matheson court house in downtown Salt Lake for “baby girl’s” (Tegan, my niece) permanency hearing. She was making all kinds of noise in a moment in which we were supposed to be quiet. I kissed her, nuzzled my nose in her neck and as she wrapped her little arms around my neck and buried her head into my chest, she made her usual noises with her giant grin that shows off her most amazing dimples. She is such a beautiful and happy baby. Today is the most pinnacle moment of this journey. Today a judge decides whether the placement of Tegan with her mother is best suited for Tegan’s safety, protection and physical, mental and moral welfare. It’s all in his hands. I can only imagine the weight of such a decision. I’m certain he sees a lot of these cases across his desk. Watching so many women lose the fight of their children to their addiction. One could become very jaded. This case is the exception and I suspect the reason for the pride that filled the room from every player. It started with a statement from DCFS’ attorney who said “frankly she’s done amazing”. All said and done the judge looked my sister straight in the eye and said; “I agree with the motion to give you custody of Tegan and to terminate DCFS’ case and you should be proud of what you’ve done”. If I hadn’t been in a courtroom I would have jumped up and screamed widely. By God’s will we got the perfect happy ending everyone hopes for. So many say; thank God she has you, what you did is amazing. This has very little to do with me. I was only a vessel. This is SOOO beyond my abilities. In fact, this has been one of the few moments in my life in which I had to surrender. I didn’t have control regardless of how bad I wanted it. I had to rely on God and his will for the situation. I know he always has some kind of ultimate influence on things but I generally run the show with his influence ;-) but in this situation ALL my control was lost. All I could do is get on my knees and pray. It is in our moments of surrender that we allow God to be the voice, the influence, the presence that creates change. I can NOT express the joy and elation I have over this. It’s over! My sister has her baby back! My baby niece is part of the most amazing family in the world even without the blessing of those closest to me (it’s in our darkest hours that we find light). I want to scream “It’s over” from the roof tops. What I set out to do, happened. Not because of my own efforts, but because of the efforts of every player. I saw God’s plan and I succumbed to his beckoning and in the end my heart is filled with JOY! A lesson that when I surrender, those around me and I receive far more than I could ever accomplish on my own.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 05:52:18 +0000