BUT WHY AM I SO DESPARATE,? Lord, Im sorry Im this way... I have anxiety attacks. You need people with faith. My faith isnt too strong... You like it when Your children fellowship. Too many people are the reason I can get an anxiety attack. Why do I seem so useless... You need people whos strong in witnessing...Im a timid mouse... Why am I this way... Excuse me, I had to take sometime and hold my bear. That way it would help me not cry. I dont want my parents to see me crying. Itd be too difficult to explain to them...besides itd be a sin for them to see me cry. And, I dont want to commit another sin if it can be prevented... Lord, Im so weak...Im Your sheep, but Im like the sheep in baah, baah black sheep. I dont fit in with the others... Lord, I dont want to bring shame to Your name because Im so pathetic... Why is there so much wrong with me? Even some of my toes are crooked.... Im mentally and physically slower than alot of other people. My mind isnt as developed as other people my age. My body cant do physical things as well as others...Ive messed up on push ups and I even cant do a tumble right(I do a crooked tumble)! It seems like Im spiritually slow as well... I want to see You. I want this pain to go away. Why do I seem so worthless-what good am I? Forgive me whoever Im depressing, I need to get this off of my chest... I know Satan and his demons have a real good laugh at me! Lord, am I doing You harm...causing You shame? I know theres so much potential and purpose for Your other children-but what purpose is there for the likes of me? If the rapture happened today, please Jesus take me. I cant bear the thought of being left here longer than nessasary. The thought of being the only Christian on earth...Please I pray I go...if mom seen me left behind that would give the devil an advantage to tell his lies. Jesus, when I see You are You going to be mad at me...am I going to be a dissapointment? Eating while typing this helps numb the pain...Sad thing is I only have two fruit snacks left. One I cant eat (blueberry), the other is great (I think its lime or apple because its green). Its Snoopy fruit snacks (only a 1$ something at the store for a box. Lets see which one is left. Its Snoopy and its tastes like apple not lime (praise God for it tastes much better than blueberry). Linus is the blueberry one so I might as well give that to the ants outside (its better it goes to the ants than it be thrown out). Why cant I eat blueberry? Its nasty the smell is nauseating. And, I tried blueberry, I think it was a blueberry snack waffle when I was at school (I think it was in 12th grade). It makes it difficult to breathe. Who knows I may be allergic. Am I worthless? If not why am I such a difficult person? Im backwards. I like sour things better than sweet. Id prefer to sit outside on a dark night than during the day... Lord, when will I see one of Your angels? When will I get to see one like I did when I was an infant... Who understands this pain and fear that resides in me? Lord, please bless Your children and strengthen them. Please help me and the rest of the persecuted Christians-and whoever will be persecuted in the future for these last days to never deny Your name. Hold them close to Yourself. Im Your child but why do I seem like I dont fit in with the Body of Christ? Lord, when will I get to see You? When will the pain be no more? Does anyone care about a pathetic soul such as myself? If so why would anyone want to bother or care about me.... I ask You, please Lord hear the prayers of Your saints. They need You during their trials and tribulations. Please save our loved ones...anyone of Your children who cry out for You to save a loved one or a friend please hear their prayers.... Why have I lived? You let me live dispite so much. Why am I still on this earth... Lord, am I bringing harm to You, Your name or the Body of Christ? Why do I have to be such a messed up individual... What good am I to anyone? My life is filled with sorrow. Why would anyone want to care about a creature such as myself? I have problems and it ends up hurting others... Lord, when I see You will You be mad at me or have a tear in Your eye? How much heartache have I given You...I want to see You, get a hug...so I could bawl my eyes out,Id soak Your robe with tears of sorrow, itd help realese pain... Life is so overwelming...Lord, who have I even helped out in my 20 years of life? What difference could I possibly make...I want to see You, to hear Your voice...You know what tears are, right? Its when sorrow fills your soul so much you cant handle it anymore and it overflows out your eyes and into tears. Forgive me whoever Ive saddened. I needed to get this off of my chest.
Posted on: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 09:56:51 +0000
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