Baby its been a year since my heart was torn apart. I walked in that motel room and saw you there on the floor. An hour later the doctor walked out and told me they did everything they could, but you were gone. My whole life was turned upside down. Your brother Bill was there with me and i had to tell our kids that their daddy was gone. All i have done the last year is to try to understand why God took you from me. I dont even remember last Christmas I remember the good times we had over the last 23 years. Yes we had our ups and downs, but i would not change a thing. You treated me like a queen and took care of me. You showed and told me everyday how much you loved and needed me. We took care of each other. You knew i always had your back no matter what. Theres so many things i miss. You told me you loved to hear me laugh and you would always do what ever you could to make me laugh. I would be walking by you and youd grab me and pull me down in your lap and tickle me. I loved to hear you laugh too. Like the night you woke me from a dead sleep with that fart. I had you laughing so hard. Your love was so very deep. I remember you softly touching my face and tell me how beautiful you thought i was even though i knew i wasnt all that. You would reach over and rub my hand and tell me how the words i love you just didnt say enough. That there were no words to describe how you felt. I would say i know i feel the same way and i loved you too. I just pray that you did know how deep my love for you was. Neither of us ever tried to change the other. We accepted each other just the way we were and loved the way each other was. It was so amazing that over the time we were apart after high school, we both had changed, but in the same ways. Even the fact that we both like to eat our pork-n-beans straight out of the can, using a potato chip as our spoon. We both smoked Salem in high school and now we smoked Marlboro. We were always meant to be together. I remember the worst fight we ever had and the only fight in front of the kids. It was over meatloaf. Needless to say it was 20 years before we ever had meatloaf in our home. You was my strength, you was my biggest cheerleader and you made me strong and have confidence that i could do anything i put my mind to. I have had to be the strong one for our family this last year while falling apart in private, behind closed doors. We raised our kids together to know what real love and family was all about. You loved our family both your side and mine. You were so proud of our kids, Nicole, Ashley, and Steven. You was proud of Brianna. She is so much like you. She dont take any shift from anybody just like you taught her. She had such a hard time with your death, we all have, but her even more so. Family was important to you. Thats why you was so attracted to the Red and Black. You loved all your bothers and sisters. They meant the world to you. You always wanted me to be part of that world too from the time you were a prospect. I was there from the beginning. You honored me by putting a patch on my back the same day you were patched which was our 11th anniversary. Our chosen family was a big part of our life. You loved to ride your motorcycle and you loved having me on the back. I loved every minute of it with you, even in the rain and cold. That was our time to be together. You were real close to some of the local brothers: Indian, Wesley, Hammer, and Yogi. Even though you loved seeing all your brothers, you loved going and hanging out with the Tallahassee crew. You loved going to the campground and being with your brothers and sisters and you got close to Thunder and T. You were known to G spot as Token.Baby i want you to know that i wouldnt have made it thru the last year without our kids, kids in law, our oldest granddaughter, her husband (who took your last name) and our Red and Black family. Marie, Vicki, Zeke, and Indian refused to allow me to curl up and shut the world out. Our brothers and sisters all have been here for me to the extent that our baby boy is following in your foot steps. This year has been so hard. I miss you so much everyday. My love for you still gets stronger everyday. You was my everything. You will always be the love of my life no matter what the future holds. Our new house was delivered yesterday. That was one of the hardest decisions i have ever made. I didnt want to let go of it because it has always been our home and where we had shared our life together, but i had no choice. I now have 2kids to raise. I guess i was afraid that i would be letting you go, but i know thats not the case because you will always be with me no matter where i am. I had a little piece of heaven for 23 years. This has taught me that you have to treat everyday as if it would be the last day. I am so thankful that i took that traveling job. It allowed me to spend so much time with you. I miss your touch. I miss being in your arms. I miss your loving kiss. I miss having you to tell me about your day and i miss being able to tell you about mine. I miss everything about you. I love you forever and i know you will be there with open arms when my time comes to leave this earth. Until then i will continue to talk to you everyday, keep you in my heart, and remember our life together. Memories and love will keep me going. Yours always and forever, your wife Diane.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Dec 2014 16:49:36 +0000
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