Because our sons have been my life, I thought I had lost half of my purpose for living after Tommy died. But my life continued ~ definitely broken ~ but I still had life. I so desperately wanted to trade my life for Tommys, but that was not possible. It takes a long time to redefine life after loss of a child. We are still working on it. I often think of it like a vase shattering into hundreds of pieces. It took us time to decide if we wanted to repair the vase. When we decided to repair the vase we found out that it couldnt be repair. We could start to find pieces and glue them together but it would NEVER look the same again. But we decided it was just too precious to forget about it and place it out of sight. We needed that vase as it was part of who we are. The larger pieces started to fall in to place (going back to work, etc) but those smaller pieces are still painful to touch. Seems like they are constantly nicking us and bringing pain. Some pieces took weeks to replace due to the pain. As the vase is coming together we are reminded of the memories that surrounds this vase of ours. All those small pieces will not find their way back to the vase but thats okay. We are seeing the vase for what it was (and still means to us) and the broken-ness is there but somehow we are focusing on the beauty of that vase these days. But thats okay because the pain reminds us were are still alive. Yes, we are even finding purpose in life again. But this life is a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. So until we reach Heavens gate and are all reunited ~ we will limp along enjoying the happiness life gives us. Some we have to look for and other times it presents itself. Nancy, forever Tommys mom
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 18:08:46 +0000
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