Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” This little line is especially true if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. THERESE J. BORCHARD the Associate Editor for Psych Central … Quoted Miss Myerson in her online article 10 Tips to Mend a Broken Heart. Her topics are appropriate to say the least … here are the highlights of her column … think about these ten tips as your contemplate your experiences. 10. Find hope. - There’s a powerful quote in the movie The Tale of Despereaux that I’ve been thinking about ever since I heard it: “There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness.” Forgiveness requires hope: believing that a better place exists, that the aching emptiness won’t be with you forever, that one day you’ll be excited to make coffee in the morning or go to a movie with friends. Hope is believing that these awful feelings can evaporate, and that if you try like hell to move on with your life, your smile won’t always be forced. Therefore in order to forgive and to move past fear, you need to find hope. 9. Create a new world. - This is especially important if your world has collided with his, meaning that mutual friends who have seen him in the last week feel the need to tell you about it. Create your own safe world — full of new friends 8. Work it out. - Working out your grief quite literally — by running, swimming, exercising, walking, or kick-boxing — is going to give you immediate relief. 7. Make a good and bad list. - You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex-lover’s home (or apartment). You won’t really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things, but I suspect that things like checking out his wall on Facebook and seeing that he has just posted a photo of his gorgeous new girlfriend is not going to make you feel good, so put that on the “don’t attempt” list, along with e-mails and phone calls to his buddies fishing for information about him. 6. Laugh. And cry. - Laughter heals on many levels as she explain in her “9 Ways Humor Heals” post, and so does crying. You think it’s just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears. 5. Help someone else. - When I’m in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try to find a use for them — especially someone who is struggling with the same or similar kind of pain — you forget about yourself for a split moment. And let’s face it, that, on some days, feels like a miracle. 4. Allow some fantasizing. - Grief wouldn’t be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost. 3. List your strengths. - When you feel raw and defeated prompt yourself to try to list your strengths. For example I say to yourself, “you haven’t smoked a cigarette since that funeral back in December of last year!” I say this while listening to the the “Rocky” soundtrack or something inspirational, and by the last line, You’re ready to tackle my next challenge: move on from this sadness and try to be a productive individual in this world. 2. Detach and revel in your independence again! - Attempting to fill the void yourself — without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back — is essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment that leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment. And now … “Drum Roll Please” … 1. Go through it, not around it. - The most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack … embrace the pain. But that is exactly what he or she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. Therese makes these and some other great points about the process of Healing a Broken Heart … the good news is broken hearts heal … it just feels like they never will. psychcentral/blog/archives/2011/02/18/10-tips-to-mend-a-broken-heart/
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 10:41:54 +0000
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