Brave New legislation. The Affordable Boat Act The U.S. government has just passed new legislation termed the “Affordable Boat Act declaring that every citizen must purchase a new boat by April 15, 2014. These affordable boats will cost an average of $100,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs. This law has been passed because until now only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. The law ensures that every American can now have a boat of their own since everyone is truly entitled to one. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 free life jackets, not including monthly usage fees. In order to make sure everyone purchases a boat, the cost of owning a boat will increase between 250% and 400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people dont want or cant afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who cant afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined. Children under the age of 26 will be allowed to use their parents’ boat to party on until they turn 27 when they then must purchase a boat of their own. If you already have a boat you can keep it unless the government determines that it doesn’t meet their standards as a good boat, in which case it will be taken from you and you will be required to purchase one from the new government Boat Vessel Exchange (BVE). If you dont want or dont need a boat, you will be required to purchase one anyway. Should you refuse to buy one, or cant afford one, you will be annually charged a penalty or a tax – call it what you want - until you do. Failure to use the boat will also result in penalties/taxes. People living in the desert, inner cities, or other areas with no access a suitable body of water, are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, lack of experience or knowledge, are not acceptable excuses for not using your boat. A government Boating Review Board (BRB) will decide when, where, how often, and for what purpose(s) you may use your boat. The BRB will also determine how many people may ride in your boat and whether or not you are too old or not healthy enough to be permitted to use your boat. Finding that your boat has out lived its usefulness and if you must purchase additional accessories or a newer and more expensive boat, will also be accomplished by the BRB. Those that can afford yachts will be required to purchase one and incur additional sales and use tax, after all, its only fair. The BRB will also allocate names for each boat. Failure to comply with any of these rules and regulations will result in fines and possible imprisonment. Lastly, Government officials are exempt from the Affordable Boat Act. If they want a boat, they and their families will be provided with one free of charge at the expense of taxpayers. Unions, bankers, and large corporations with the appropriate political affiliations are also exempt. Have a nice day!
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 22:27:43 +0000
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