CHAPTER 8 – TURGIDITY Prof Chuma Nwokolo : Good morning class Class: Good morning sir Prof Chuma: I am Prof. Chuma Nwokolo and I am here to hold brief for your lecturer Prof. Ikhide. He is currently on the entourage of the President Jonathan to a conference in the United States. I believe he has concluded the 7th of the ten tutorials on the strength of materials so I shall guide this class on (8)turgidity, (9)gyration and (10)vibrations. (The students talk to themselves in low tones) Kemjy : O boy check out his fine white hairs naaaa... Profu kwa..hian! Biokpo: Mehn! Kemjy I bow oooo... the guy tall no be small Aquila: this guy is a giant...see the piercing look in his eyes Edwina: Common shut up! Small boy wetin u sabi? Prof Chuma: so has anyone of you read the material? Graciano: Yes Sir! Turgidity is usually expressed as a ratio or percentage. It has to do with the amount of tension in a material due to it being energised or excited after being ignited, charged or filled up with or by required material or substance. Prof Chuma: Hmm.. .ok, for the purpose of our discussion we shall choose a few materials... any suggestions? Chika Jones: a sponge Aquila: a pipe or hose Kemjy: biokpo’s muscles (Class erupts in laughter... Prof chuma manages a smile) Prof Chuma: any others? Graciano: a phallus (Class erupts in convulsive laughter... Prof chuma is bewildered) Prof Chuma: A what? (no answer) Prof Chuma: Please repeat your answer (no response) (class becomes rowdy amidst wild laughter and heavy banging on desks. Prof chuma walks out of the class and Graciano walks to the front of the class. Graciano holds an imaginary microphone in his right hand and motions to the class with his other hand) Graciano: Silence Please give me audience While I express my penitence For a certain divergence The turgidity of a phallus is directly proportional to the function (or dysfunction) of the erectility of certain vascular membranes and tissues gyrating in space, in a fluid or similar continuum. Such tissues could be found to be tangentially dangling or thrusting at an acute or obtuse angle with respect to two known (sometimes unknown) zeros of a quadratic equation. Now a certain professor decides to attend a certain conference within the circumference of the northern hemisphere and the same professor decides to unanimously impose on Grrrrrrraciano and his noble friends a white bristled collaborator. Nonsense! Am I making sense? Please listen carefully to my elongated sentence Kemjy: Hmmmm.... This Graciano is going mad oooooo Jodie: Go baby... that’s my man with the 100% turgid phallus... may u remain engorged for life.. notin gwan! Aquila: me I no wan fail ooooo Edwina: Na carry over go finish ya CGPA... u never see anything... as for me I dey go adjust my registration form. Make I go see dat my yeye boyfriend for ICT wey say im dey like me.. make I test am small maybe I go fit deregister this course biko.. to find woman easy?.. shior! Kemjy: Hahahahahaha.. Aquila is crying. eyaaaa... my baby oya come here Edwina: dis Aquila no get liver sef... no worry make u dey follow Graciano... im GP na 4.3. One carry over no go kill am. Prof Chuma does not attend class throughout Prof Ikhide’s absence, so the students decide to go through the tutorials themselves. They work through the material during the class periods and they take turns in front of the class. One day, they were in the process of solving problems on mechanical vibrations (the 10th tutorial topic) when Prof Ikhide unceremoniously walks into the lecture room. The students were all crowded on Graciano’s desk with their backs turned when Prof Ikhide walked in and so did not notice his entrance. The students in their usual manner had veered off the topic and one them had put up an elaborately labelled schematic diagram of a giant phallus on the board. Graciano: Chinekeeeeeee!!!!! Class: wetin happen? They all turn towards the front of the class when they notice him looking in that direction. Lo and behold their beloved Prof Ikhide stands before them grinning from ear to ear with a sleek, mahogany framed iPad in hand. Prof Ikhide: I see you have been very busy with the tutorial material I left behind. You also frustrated my colleague with your unruly behaviour. Now, who drew this diagram on the board? (no response) Prof Ikhide: ok, no problem. The student who drew this ‘thing’ gets an automatic A. Class: (all at once) I did sir!
Posted on: Sat, 18 Oct 2014 10:28:52 +0000
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