Can I just share a little testimony of Gods grace that Ive seen in the measly one and a half years that Ive been married? By the time my husband and I got married, we were already heading in two separate directions. His heart was in one place, and mine was in another. But, as much as we were both born again Christians, neither of our hearts were focused on Christ. The first year of our marriage was downright awful. We couldnt stand each other any longer. We barely recognized each other compared to the people we thought we knew in the beginning. And, then, it happened two months ago. The straw that broke the camels back. I wont say what it was, but any married person reading this can probably fill in that word it with anything and everything that makes you feel let down by your spouse and feel as if you have enough ammo to cry foul. I had had enough. My heart was broken, my world felt shattered, and I was done. I was trying to be supportive for a time, but in my heart, I was ready to walk away. I was convinced that being alone would be better than being miserable. Even as we tried to work on things, we just kept stepping on each others toes, hurting each other even more. Communication had broken down, and I knew I had married the wrong person, as did he. But, let me just tell you something... without having two pennies to rub together, I couldnt have gotten away even if I had wanted to. Gods sovereignty kept me under the same roof with my husband as I had to watch his own demons come to life before my very eyes. A midst it all, the only thing I could see was my own pain. He hurt ME... He betrayed ME... *I* dont deserve to live like this... Its a funny thing when we Christians start spouting off about what we deserve, and God has a funny way of reminding you that Christ took everything you deserved and then some the day He suffered and died on the cross for our sins. Ill quote my brother-in-law in saying, Weve all been victims, and weve all victimized. In the midst of my pain, I had completely lost sight of the fact that I, too, was a sinner, no better or worse than my husband. And, just as I was ready to crucify him for his sins against me, my pastor reminded me that we sin against God and God alone. Those around us may be hurt in the wake of it all, but the sin in our heart is as real as the sun in the sky, and sometimes, getting close to sinners means that we get burned. But, what can you do? Theres no way to avoid it, so the Bible simply teaches us how to gracefully endure suffering. It teaches us how to act and honor Him, even if our spouse doesnt follow suit. Praise be to God, that right now, I am having the greatest pleasure seeing God restore something that I thought was beyond repair. Restoration meant uncovering secrets that one would just assume die than reveal. It meant having my own pride and perceptions of what I deserve be completely demolished and laid down before the throne of Christ - almost involuntarily, I might add. It meant my husband and myself taking a long look in the mirror through the light of Gods word and seeing how wretched we truly are. Its a long fall off ones tower of pride, and my butt took a beating. My whining lost its credibility. My husband lost his secrets. We spent many awkward days together where the most loving thing we could do was to simply say nothing at all until the bitterness subsided. But, we started praying together. We read Gods word together. Slowly, and I mean painfully slowly, but surely, God has begun a new work in our lives. Like I said, I only have one measly year of marriage under my belt, so what do I know. But, as I scroll through facebook and see quotes and mantras that sum up love to be the equivalent of ones actions, I have to agree... But, these quotes are posted in ways to justify why a person is leaving their spouse, or why you dont need so and so in your life, or why you can be sure that person doesnt love you and needs to go... And, in that regard, I must say... You. Are. So. Wrong. Each and every one of you. The only one that you can hold to loves purest standards is Christ. He alone will attain such grand expectations. The rest of us will spend most of our lives in a lousy attempt to love as best we can, which will not come close to fulfilling another person. That very fact is exactly why we cannot expect someone to fill the holes in our hearts, or to meet our every fairy-tale laden desire. That very fact is the reason that we should be giving everything weve got to be willing to stand faithful next to a spouse who is just as imperfect as we are, and show them the love and kindness that not a single one of us deserves.
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 00:07:45 +0000
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