Cant Keep It In For seven straight days and nights I had vivid dreams of events in the near to far future, and many of them came true over that same week. I became afraid of sleep and tried to stay awake, but I was too tired. Night aft...er night I dreamed of events to come in the lives of my family and friends, and many of them came to pass immediately, exactly as I’d seen. I was so terrified by these new and intense experiences that I decided my complete mental breakdown was imminent. I went shopping. I stocked the house with food and supplies like tissues and toilet paper and laundry detergent for several months, and began to freeze lots of dinner for the family to eat in case I was gone for a while. I tidied and cleaned and organized and updated anything that needed to be done. That is my practical side. Beyond that I had no idea what to do. Trust was a huge issue for me. Throughout my life I didn’t trust others and I didn’t expect anyone to ever really help me. I’ve always been able to feel and sense and sometimes hear the thoughts and emotions of others. From a young age I realized that people might be smiling or saying kind things externally but I also noticed the ‘negative’ emotions they expressed internally - the scared, envious, competitive, angry, and cruel feelings too. In some strange way that endeared people to me. I wanted to give them all hugs, like a parent soothing them. Quite often I’ve suppressed the literal impulse to walk up and do so. I’ve often leaned forward and rocked onto my toes then pulled myself back, reminding myself that they would just think I was really, really crazy. I learned to help people, but in ways that kept me safe and unnoticed. In fact I’ve often let people think that they were helping me with minor, practical things so that I could actually help them with major life stuff. I thought of it superstitiously, like knocking on wood. I didnt allow myself to acknowledge that it was real, but I never ignored a call - just in case it was. I always saw myself as a sort of very, very secret superhero. Superheroes don’t get rescued, right? They rescue others. I never really and truly let anyone help me, except maybe my friend in Colorado, with the things I needed or wanted help with. Now as I felt myself going crazy, I told no one. At the end of that week someone asked me on Facebook chat how I was doing. It was the mother of the girl we’d brought to family camp with us. I was on the verge of a breakdown and someone was asking how I was. I’d just received confirmation of more of my dreams coming true, and I was sitting there shaking. That was what finally caused me to reach out for help, to admit to another human being that I was and always had been psychic and trying to hide it from everyone. I began telling her the truth, only four months after trying to tell another friends and SWEARING I’d never make that mistake again. I just couldn’t keep it in. I’d spent decades hiding, always feeling alien and living a secret life, dreaming of finding just one person that I could be ‘myself’ with, but never trusting anyone. It felt like a flood had risen up inside of me and I’d developed a crack now, but that one tiny crack was all it took to wipe away the dam. I trusted this woman because she offered to listen at the perfect time, and also because I’d ‘recognized’ her when I met her two months earlier. Upon meeting her I’d seen a brilliant light then an amazing aura and symbols unlike any other I’d seen since my great grandmother (Nana) died, and the longest ‘film’ I’ve ever seen. I just knew that we’d been sisters and friends in many, many lives together. I barely knew her now. I’d only seen her twice in the two months since we met, but both times I felt my body vibrating in her presence. I didn’t know that we also had soul exchange from past lives. I just knew that she felt safe. So in my moment of despair at the end of August 2012, on Facebook chat, I simply began telling her the truth. She asked how I was doing and I didn’t reply ‘fine’. I said I was freaking out about something personal. She asked what, and I just typed it. I said, “Ive always had some psychic abilities which Ive never discussed with anyone except my best friend as a teen. A very bizarre series of things have happened since the camp. I literally cant stop shaking. I feel like getting in my car and driving away again... Mexico and beyond. I run away when Im really afraid.” She said that she also had the desire to run when she felt scared, but learned to work with her fears. She said she would help me find clarity. She told me to ask what the fear needed? More information? She asked if I could look under the fear and see what I’m afraid of most? Was it of being found out and seen for my gifts? I told her my deepest fear then, that underneath it all I was really just crazy (and soon to be locked up). She promised not to think I was crazy even if I disclosed my psychic abilities to her. She said that her family joked about being witches and everyone else being muggles because they can’t see or feel what they see and feel and experience. She didn’t know that I hadnt read the ‘Harry Potter’ books yet. My husband had been trying for years to read them aloud to me, but of course I avoided that type of story! She said there were ways to work with these gifts. I still wasn’t sure I wanted to ‘work with’ them at all. I told her I was really terrified that Id unleashed something I couldnt contain again, and she said that she knew several very qualified people that could help either way, teaching me to work with the energy or to contain it. I wrote back, “Its REALLY good to know that containment is an option. I know nothing, having lived in total denial and never having admitted it to anyone or done any research before…” That’s how I entered the world of ‘starseeds’ and ‘indigos’ and ‘lightworkers’. That’s how I met my first astrologers, shamans, energy healers, channelers, and empaths. She had one foot in those worlds and she invited me into them with her. She had her own fear and anxiety about psychic stuff and she’d also been hesitant, waiting for someone that felt safe to share her own truth with. We helped one another feel brave. I’m eternally grateful to her for appearing in that moment with the perfect words of encouragement and comfort. I hope that everyone who awakens is greeted by just such a friend. Eventually the intensity and pace of my kundalini scared even her, but I have no regrets about that. I love her for appearing then, just as the dam inside of me broke, and helping to save me from being washed away in the flood. (Hallow ~ December 19th, reflecting back on August 2012) Find more stories at https://facebook/ChaosKrakens Photoshop picture - Dam(n) Vandals by seabie
Posted on: Wed, 22 Jan 2014 04:59:17 +0000
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