Certainly not comparing the packing up of someones life who has passed away with someone who is still very much alive.... those who are experiencing the loss of a child(ren) to undue influence are experiencing a living bereavement. Clothes, special mementos, pictures and the like...are left behind as though they just stepped out of their lives for a moment, yet never returned. We know they are very much alive..yet they are gone. For our family....we are still in flux...still walk into the eery shrine and are reluctant to dismantle their world because it seems so disrespectful and yes...final. However, my rational mind knows...that room will never be theirs again. I will not hear the laughter and giggles that come with having girls....my girls. I will not tuck them in...will not help pick outfits, fix hair, give advice or lend a hug....not there...not in that room...and not for them. Pack up the room? Not there yet, I am still lighting a candle and saying a prayer for their safety..day after day. I still stand in the doorway... look inside of the fishbowl of memories and leave before I become a puddle. I still weep on the inside when I see their sister wearing some of their favorite clothes...just because it gives her comfort to have them with her...even if it is just a favorite tee or sweater. I still feel like I have one foot in our old life and one foot in a world I have no idea where it will be. Feel like a bit of a nomad because I dont really have to BE anywhere. My family is fractured and our home is now...just a structure. Nothing feels right and in the days, months, years to follow.... perhaps that will change. Till then, will light one more candle and say a prayer for mine....and yours
Posted on: Sun, 24 Aug 2014 12:59:11 +0000
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