Comparison Marriage means a choice. It is the choice of ones partner out of number of possible partners all of whom may appear to us in different ways, and it implies therefore a renunciation of all those who have not been chosen. Comparison often endangers discontent. A spouse tends to compare his/her partner with others. The latter may have characteristics, other than that of his/ her chosen one. However a spouse admiring the good qualities of others is not bad or wrong, but anything further than this is going to attract estranged bitter feelings between the spouse and his/ her partner. This is where most couples cross the boundary and it gets blown out of proportion. Here are the facts, no man or woman is perfect in everything, we all make mistakes and have our shortcomings, our good and bad days in certain ways and in certain matters. Friends lets face the reality this happens more often than not in our relationships and becomes a thorn in the flesh, so the question is what is the way forward? 1. Stop the comparison. 2. Face the facts and lay them on the table. Do not be afraid to be frank, you will be surprised at how much you spouse would respect you, but be frank in love , not with an attitude. 3. Discuss the short-comings patiently, and proffer solutions. Most of these solutions will involve encouragement from the spouse not negatively affected, an effort on the guilty partner to improve as there is room for improvement. 4. Criticism and reproach are strongly recommended to be avoided. 5. Avoid the blame game- point fingers and blaming each other is retrogressive. 6. The change is going to be gradual . Let me share a scenario for us to get a better insight, permit me to use the husband If the husband thinks that she is not attractive, there are so many ways of making her more attractive and beautiful. Let him sit her down and tell her darling you used to look better than now, you made your hair, you dresses were fitted, its not as if you looking bad, but I want you to look smoking hot etc. ( now be sensitive to the fact that, she might have had 2 kids or more and naturally some changes to her body composition, so men must be sensitive , but at the same time thats not a reason or a profound excuse for the women to be lax). So after discussing, the wife should make an effort to improve. Encouragement from husband is the balance to the proffered solution, make out time to take her to the salon, take the kids to the park, or to get ice cream, buy her new clothes that are fitted to her that you, love to see her in. This scenario could be vice versa, where the husband needs to make the adjustment. Here is a second scenario My husband and I have been friends with our next door neighbor and his wife for 2 years. Recently, my husband has been making comparisons between his friends wife and me. He has said things like, Magalean keeps a cleaner house than you (this woman is very ill and sleeps alot), Magalean can teach the kids better than you. One night when he was cooking dinner, I was just finishing my daughters hair and he on purpose picked an argument with me about me doing my daughters hair around dinner time. I was just finishing her hair and dinner was nowhere near ready, but he ended up saying, Magalean would never do Crystals hair while Im fixing dinner. She does a better job of doing things. I left the room. I have told him comments like that hurt my feelings, but he doesnt seem to care; instead he continues say them. I guess he thinks if he keeps saying those things Ill someday magically turn into Magalean. Ive even tried turning the tables on him, comparing him to his friend. Well Dwight has a job. Why dont you? Dwight can fix things around the house. You must be less of a man than Dwight. I bet Dwight knows how to please his wife in bed. She must be lucky. Poor me. None of that seems to faze him. He just doesnt get it. The comparison is based on relationship to an extent, to see the lack in the partner and efficiency in the other person. The people we compare our spouses to are People we are connected with one way or the other. People wonder how extra marital affairs begin, this is one of the ways, cause its possible for either partner to be drawn away most especially when the defaulting partner makes no move to improve or change. The question then here is what do we do 1.Look more at the positive attribute your spouse has, which we often dont time to really appreciate as we should. 2. Create of model or introduce a model of what you want your husband to emulate , rather than you These are in addition to the above listed guidelines.
Posted on: Fri, 24 Jan 2014 09:26:12 +0000
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