Contentment and Acceptance - My Real Trophies WORDS | ROLAND SACRISTAN Although, it was not a waterloo! It was for me a usual morning when I opened my tired eyes. The sun has not yet risen and cold breeze was still present. My body still wanted me to sleep a little longer. In about time when I would agree to this biological call, an immediate idea prompted me to rise. This day is not a usual day. So I got up and walked straight to the bathroom. My steps were unbalanced probably caused by instant change of state. I hurried anyway. How can an idiot like me forget this day! I got dressed and went straight in school skipping breakfast (that’s the usual, anyway). That day was the 7th Schools Press Advisers Movement (SPAM) Inc. National Annual Conference. It’s a very rare opportunity for me to just let it go without even experiencing to be part of it. I became accustomed of mixed emotions which made me numb. I was totally nervous, not because I’m confident but maybe because of comfort. This day wasn’t just about SPAM; I thought it was also about my first time to wear a barong and to ride on the BISU bus. I never got a chance to ride on it since I entered this university two years ago and finally I made it. Noticing that everyone seemed not making their ride a big deal, I was pretending to be a used-to-rider of the said bus when in fact I feel uneasy and ignorant. Finally we arrived in the JJ’s Seafood Village. I should say it’s not my first time. We headed directly to the main function hall where other schools waited for us. To make this short, the program started. The first part of the program wasn’t really a big part of my memory and so we move on to the part I feel like I’m really present, mentally and physically. The next thing I remember was when I witness documentarist, Howie Severino took the microphone and aired out a special and inspirational message. What I learned from him was about practicing our craft, reading and writing a lot to become a well rounded journalist. It was like bang after bang when the main man, Mike Enriquez exploded right before us. He talked about how values are more important than competition. It was for him not a good thing to make yourself busy of what’s happening outside the box because what’s really important is what’s happening inside. I felt like very blessed already being a participant of this event by just those two talks. Meanwhile, the contest proper in news editing started. It wasn’t really what I expected to be. I was lost on how to do it this time. It required me a laptop to start since the news piece was a soft copy. It was already 15 minutes left, when I started my lead. I finished the required four paragraphs but I wasn’t really satisfied of what I wrote. I was so disappointed and burned out. My hope of winning was nowhere in my sight. I was really aiming for third win this year but it was just a waterloo! A WATERLOO! I looked around and found my co-writers. Their high expectation in me made my fall even worst. I faked a smile instead. I have heightened the positive energy left in me. I began thinking about them. I had a notion that if I’m not going to win this time, my co-writers will do it for me. It seemed like a defense mechanism for me at first to hide my hopelessness but eventually I found it more rewarding. Though, still uncomfortable, I surveyed the crowd. I found many writers from all over the venue. Some were busy writing, taking pictures, and talking to each other. I envy them for their genuine smiles. I continued scanning the venue not until I met Fernando Dosono Jr (I fondly call him Jun) along with Mary Grace Duque, Mario l. Cuengco and Ian G. Mercado of Mary the Queen College in Pampanga. I enjoyed talking to them. They spoke in Tagalog which of course made me a little trying hard to converse. I was slowly moving on. The spirit of regret, disappointment and discouragement were covered with euphoria to meet new friends. Not very long, I had made other acquaintances. They were Ian Dalisay of Central Philippine University in Iloilo City who was an exchange student, and Ayaka of Kansei Univeristy in Japan who sang “mikazuki” to me, the only Japanese song I know. Just right before the awarding was the election for the National Federation for Campus Journalists in the Philippines. Never in my wildest dream, would I be nominated as Vice-President. However, it was Kuya Luch who nominated me to the position believing I am such a right fit. My nerves were breaking, honestly and I can’t help it but to become uneasy. My name was called. I needed to be in front. “Oh, my God! Help me here”, I prayed. I was really uneasy, intimidated and shy. I made a straight and quick introduction. Hearing my voice echoing the hall suggested further nervousness to me. The voting proper aired. I saw a number of hands raised every time a name is called. I wasn’t actually minding how many votes I would gain. I was more after to be seated and be relaxed. Eventually my name was called; I saw one by one, people… a number of them... raising their hands. I thought it was majority. But I was happier to see hands of my friends from Luzon and Mindanao. They too believe in me. “I was lucky”, I thought. I was still shaking when I got back to our table. My co-writers congratulated me and began tagging me as “Mr. Vice President”. But, it wasn’t really in my mind at all and seemed like I overlooked that great achievement. Minutes later, the awarding started. I am certain; my name wasn’t in the long list of winners. Undeniably, behind my despair, was still a wish for miracle. Straightly, indeed I didn’t win an award but we (SCV) won awards! That experienced made me grow even better. Not just a better writer but a better person. One’s worth is not about the awards you gained but the wisdom behind everything you have acquired. It was neither the feeling of victory nor the feeling of defeat; it was for me the feeling of contentment and acceptance that matter most. They were my real trophies. (Bjronroland16)
Posted on: Fri, 27 Sep 2013 00:40:42 +0000
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