DUNKWU KELECHI : WIDOWS STORY OF TRIUMPH AGAINST THE ODDS She became widowed at the age of 23. With accusations, from her hubbys relatives of killing her husband, Dunkwu Kelechi faced a lot of challenges. Starting with petty trading but with a never say die spirit, she went to the university to read law and was called to the Bar last year. She tells he...r story to EMENIKE UBANI .It is illuminating and a lesson on the indomitability of the human spirit. When Kelechi Rosy lost her husband at the age of 23, as a housewife with no means of income and saddled with 3 kids and a one month pregnancy, she thought it was the end of the road for her. She attempted suicide twice before gathering the pieces of her life together. The beautiful and soft spoken Barrister who is one of the litigation counsels in the Rubicon Chambers located at No 13 Isiokwe road ,Onitsha told Emenike Ubani, the story of her life of tenacity and determination to acquire a university education despite the challenges on her path. “My mother had us four, two boys and two girls and I am the second child. We lived in Aba then but at the age of four, my parents separated. For us the kids, it was a traumatic experience, I remember seeing my father beating and pushing my mother up and down the house. One particular night was remarkable because after another round of molestation my mum left the house the next morning and a few weeks later she came and took us to Onitsha. On life with her mother without a father, she has this to say: “I grew up in Onitsha under the care of my mother who raised me and my siblings independently and it was really tough. I did not allow the breakup of my parents to distract me as I faced my studies squarely though I was not what you would call a first class student but I was always within the first ten range in class. At the age of 16 years, I passed out from secondary school and did well in the Senior School Certificate Exams (SSCE). I passed out of secondary school same time with my elder sister but because of my stature I looked more mature than my age which attracted men who sought came to marry me. Due to lack of funds because my mother was a poor trader who was struggling to put food on our table, it was clear that a university education was out of the question, so instead of wasting at home it was decided that I marry which I eventually did in April 1999 at 17 years.” The Nnewi born lawyer disclosed that her marriage though blissful was short-lived, “Emmanuel, my husband was a pastor who hailed from Aniocha North LGA in Delta state. It was like a fairy tale marriage and despite the about nineteen years age difference between us, he treated me like a queen and I enjoyed a blissful relationship with him which was cut suddenly, just six years into the marriage as he died in the month of May 2005 leaving me with three kids and a month old pregnancy. It was a whole new world for me because at age 23, I had no job, no skills nor vocation; I was a full time house wife while he was alive. In fact, at that time my world crashed because my husband was the sole bread winner of the family and my world revolved around him. My husband was my first man because I married him as a virgin. I felt I could not survive without him because the house we were living in then was rented and there was no money in our account,” she added. The experience , though traumatic, was an eye opener for her. It gave her an insight into the true nature of human beings. According to her, she found out that some people who claimed to be family members were not in any way near being described as such. “I subsequently discovered the true nature of people; it dawned on me that some people who claim to be your brothers and sisters are not and would abandon you when the chips are down. I got closer to God who consoled me but before then I tried to commit suicide twice and in one of the attempts took an overdose to end it all but I was rescued and resuscitated .At the end of the day, I sat down and asked myself questions. If you die now will happen to your kids? Who will you leave them for? I made up my mind to take up as much as I could, establish them and probably when they are comfortable, then take my life. Looking back now, the decision was funny but then it was not. That was my motivation. Like the fate of an average widow, her husbands family members were only concerned with squaring up with her. They were not not interested in the welfare of her kids. It was her immediate family that stood up for her.“My family rallied round and raised some funds for me which I used and started selling foodstuffs in the compound where I lived. It was a quiet area and besides there were other people dealing in the same items in other compounds so selling the items daily was a tug of war because of the fierce competition. I had four kids I was raising alone so at the end of the day I ate into my capital and it was becoming difficult to survive, she added. It was at this point that the idea of going further in her education dawned on her. She had sought a teaching job and was offered one with a salary of #6,000.To her, that was paltry. At that point in time, I vowed to go to school no matter the challenges on my path. I just saw it as a way of the life of drudgery I was living. But, there arose another problem, whom do I confide in? Whom do I tell of my dreams and where do I get the funds from? I secretly purchased and filled a jamb form, back then; the idea was to choose one professional course and other courses. I put law first and then mass communication second. I also choose Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka because it was close to Onitsha so that I could be going from house to the school. On the day of the exam I brought my kids to my mum and told her I was attending a church meeting. I rushed to the exam centre, wrote and was the first to finish and rushed back to my mother’s house and told her the meeting was over. When the result came out, I went just like other prospective students to check my score, and was dazed when I saw 253 as my score. On my way back, I was thinking, who will sponsor me? Where do I start the race from? It was only my younger brother who I confided in. When it was time for the post- ume test, I sneaked to the school to write the test, finished early and rushed back home. When the result came out again, I got the required score for admission into the law faculty of the Nnadi Azikiwe University, Awka but the dilemma was how to finance the quest. “After some days of rumination, I summoned courage and told my mum about my jamb exam and the outcome of the post-ume test. She was surprised at how I was adept in hiding it all along. Overwhelmed with emotions, she started shading tears and made a declaration that she no matter the circumstances that I would go to school that she did not know it was still uppermost in my mind. She called a few of her relatives who were impressed with my performance and one of my aunties who is a legal practitioner took up the responsibility of paying my fees, my kids and sending us allowances too. There were other relatives who also contributed to my academic pursuit. I started school with the challenges, waking in the morning, preparing the kids for school and preparing to go to Awka. The kids were with me initially for three years and I also had a cousin who was staying with me and helping out. During the holidays, I took them to my mum who managed to take care of them alongside her petty business. The fourth year, she requested that I bring the children completely over to her end where we all lived together till I rounded up my studies.” Speaking further on the challenges she faced in combining full time law program as a single parent with raising her little kids, Rosy said “Several times, I broke down due to the pressure on me but because of my determination to succeed, I did not relent and most importantly, my mother and siblings were there for me. It was not easy combining school with the kids for 5 good years to and from Onitsha to Awka everyday for lectures though I could not meet up with all. God gave me the grace, encouraged me and I kept pressing on irrespective of the challenges. I give Him glory for everything, He was with me, I never had any carry over. I went through 5 years of academic study smoothly and graduated in 2012 with a 2nd class upper and proceeded immediately to Yenagoa campus of the law school in Bayelsa State where by God’s grace, I also came out with a second class upper and was called to bar last November. Going down memory lane, in an emotion laden voice, the amiable legal practitioner recounted her travails in the hands of her in-laws after the death of her husband. “My experience is not different from the usual widow’s tale in the eastern part of Nigeria, once a man dies suddenly; it is assumed that the wife killed him. When he died, they accused me of killing him. His nephew was living with us then and at the end of the day, he was used as a tool against me. They came up with all sort of unbelievable stories just to demonize me. I was the one who served him his last meal before he died. Funny enough, he took tea which I had been making for him for six years. One of the most absurd tales they used in their campaign about me was that I killed my husband in order to hide the real paternity of my pregnancy because I was just a month old pregnant when he died. So I now told them that if the allegation was true that I would die in labour but if it was untrue that they would be put to shame because I would deliver in good health and to the glory of God, that was the easiest child delivery I had because my baby came out smoothly when it was due.” Rosy who disclosed that in the fullness of time, she would author a book where she would chronicle her detailed story for the world to read, stresses that it has not been an easy road for her and exhorts people who may be passing through similar challenges to “hold on, it is not the end of the world yet, the only comfort you would ever get in any challenge is the one you give yourself and not what your pastor, imam, priest or any religious leader tells you. If you have a dream, remember it is not the end of your dream but believe in it and but push towards its actualization. Today, by the grace of God, I am a legal practitioner despite the odds I faced. My ultimate dream in my profession for now is to be a judge,” she said. At 32 years, with a lot of admirers from the male folks and persuasions from relatives to give marriage a second chance, Rosy said “ I do not know yet if I may remarry, whichever one God decides, I will abide, but for now my focus is to give my kids the best in life. It is all in God’s time, but for now, my daughter and three sons are my priority€
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 08:24:22 +0000
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