Darkness, 1982 - 1985: These were terrible years of drinking and using, anger and depression, hard times for me and my poor parents. Bouncing around. San Francisco, the Bahamas, Topeka, Kansas, the Cleveland Area. Mostly unemployed. During the Summer of 1982 I worked for my Dad on their Avalon Drive property down by the lake. There had been terrific storm damage as the breakwall was broken and a huge hole carved out of the ground by the waves. My job was filling sand bags from sand in the boat house under the beach house, to fill the hole. Then hauling down top soil and sod to restore the grassy area. I painted the beach house and beach house stairs. The whole summer I was going to go to the Dominican Republic in a month to teach but I never went. One high point was the 1982 World Series which I really enjoyed. Milwaukee Brewers vs. St. Louis Cardinals. St. Louis in seven. I loved the Brewers sluggers Gorman Thomas, Robin Young, Sal Bando, Paul Molitor and George Scott Near the end of 1982 I worked for about six weeks as an activist, a door to door canvasser, in Oakland, California, raising money for a nursing home reform organization, United Neighbors in Action. I lived at the YMCA in San Francisco, swam for an hour every morning and walked all over San Francisco for a few hours every day, marveling at the views of San Francisco Bay. In the early part of 1983 I worked as a conch fisherman in the Bahamas in the crew of Reggie Stubbs out of Nassau. To fish for conch, you dont have to fish for them, you just find them. With a glass bottom bucket. Then you dive to the ocean floor and pick them up and bring them to the surface and throw them in the boat. I enjoyed doing that, being in the water, sleeping on the boat. For about three weeks. Spent about six weeks in Nassau living in a poor, black neighborhood thinking I was cool, painting Reggies house pink with yellow trimming, and trying to get a work permit which I did not get. Im lucky I survived that because I kept looking for trouble in Nassau. One time there was this deranged guy Pembrook Stubbs, Reggies brother, threatening me with a machete, and me screaming at him, Do it! My guardian angel worked overtime. In the summer of 1983 I found AA and eventually found temporary work at the Union Carbide factory on the west side of Cleveland. They made batteries for highway construction warning signal lights. My job was ordering parts which were needed. I was terrified every day because the factory was huge, hot and noisy and filled with big, tough factory workers. One guy used to grab me by the neck and shake my neck, calling me, Chicken neck! I worked in an office in the factory. These guys would come in and say things like, Hey, Pete, I need a Baldor motor with a side mount Bonniespeed then leave. I would call the vendor who would ask questions I couldnt answer so I would look for the guy in the factory and ask them about it, get yelled at, then call the vendor again, then have to get permission from accounting for the special delivery charge. It seemed like I got yelled at all day. Tough situation because I was depressed and not thinking very well. One funny incident. I used to pack a lunch and eat it in the cafeteria. Leave my brown bag on top of the jacket rack. One day I go and get my lunch and head to the cafeteria. Take out my lunch and surprise! Its a bologna on white sandwich when I always ate peanut butter and butter on whole wheat. I think, Well, this is strange, then take the sandwich out of the plastic bag and take a bite. Then it hits me. Its not my lunch. I go back to the office and put the wrong paper bag back, get mine and return and proceed to eat my lunch. After awhile, this big, hairy guy sits down then shouts, Hey! Somebody took a bite out of my sandwich! I avoided eye contact with him and was not blamed! Pretty funny! My immediate supervisor was a Vietnam veteran and a really good guy. One thing we had to do with our paperwork was fill in parts codes for things we ordered. This guy had a card with all the codes on it. I used to borrow the card, which interrupted his work. He made me xerox copies which I quickly lost. He was kind but becoming exasperated. One day he lent me the card, didnt have time to make a copy, and said, Now, Pete, dont lose the card! I promptly lost the card. When he asked for it back and I explained the situation, he just stared at me in astonishment. HA! In January, 1984 I joined Self-Realization Fellowship and started their yoga meditation practises and studied their how to live teachings. One day I was the walking dead and the next I was happy and seeing all the beauty in the world. The trees, sky, birds, wind and so forth. It was an incredible miracle. However, I soon got into trouble because of pride. I took a course to be a nurses aide and obtained a position at Manor Care nursing home on Rocky River Drive in Cleveland working 11:00 pm to 7:00 am. Turning people over in their beds to avoid bed sores, changing urine soaked sheets, encouraging folks to drink juice and water for their health. I was shocked by the cruelty of my co-worker and we got into ugly arguments. The job was intense and I went on an ego trip and soon enough off another drunken bender. Lost my job. Unemployed and crazy again. That Fall I wound up in Topeka, Kansas and was down and out. I got a part time job taking care of flowers in a nursery. Impatiens and pansies. I liked impatiens because they had strong stems but disliked pansies because they were weak. The following summer I joined a mens softball league and had a moment of sports glory. I was the catcher and there was a ball hit into the outfield. A huge base runner came barreling towards home while the ball came in to me. I fielded the ball cleanly just before this big dude sent me flying about ten feet. Knocked out again. But I held on and the guy was out. When I woke up, my manager was yelling at the ump to eject the guy for playing too rough. At one point in my insanity, I decided to hitch hike to Nicaragua and join the Sandinistas in their war against the Contra rebels. Left Topeka and wound up in Russell, Kansas, Bob Doles home town. After a night of debauchery, I wound up on a Sunday morning barefoot, lost my boots, trying to get a ride on the highway entrance ramp, without success. Got arrested. When they took my mug shots I asked for a copy but they did not give me one. But I did have a bologna sandwich. The toothbrush they gave me broke when I used it. I was released after a few hours and told to leave Rusell and not return. I returned to Topeka. Didnt even get out of Kansas. In August, 1985 I was at the end of my rope. One day I saw a copy of the current Sports Illustrated and I saw Bernie Kosar for the first time. The caption read Banking on Bernie and there was the new Cleveland Brown, Bernie Kosar. It was news to me. That was a powerful moment for me. I had this strong feeling of optimism, for the Browns, and for me. Bernie, of course, went on to do great things for the Browns and Cleveland, and I have always loved him. That Fall, my parents decided to give me another chance and allowed me to come home and stay with them. And I was ready to shape up and fly right. I had had enough of trouble and was willing to live a regular life. I was very grateful that my Dad was still alive to provide me with the guidance and stability I needed. I started going to AA meetings every night and I had a positive attitude. My life started to turn around. Everything was going to be ok.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Mar 2014 18:44:59 +0000
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