Darkness is an everyday walk here for me. Even when its daylight its dark. As I walk down this VERY Dark road I continually wonder whats at the next corner the next intersection the next step as I move forward not knowing which way to go. I always look to the left and right then straight ahead not knowing what is next. Its a path of the unknown for me. Its the longest walk of my life. Silence surrounds me as most times I have no words where as before I had words for everything and anything. Its a place of an unparallel beginiing and ending if there ever is an ending of the pain that seems to continue to live within me. As time progresses so does this thing we call life and James is frozen in time as I will never get to see him again in this lifetime. His one day wife and children I will never meet or know. Who are they and what would they have been like ? Its another thing I will never get to know. Somedays James totally surrounds me with things that happen throughout the day and other he is a memory of the son that once was here but now is gone. As a father I try to move forward and carry on as I know he would want me to BUT that in itself is a struggle. I miss my son so much and wonder why he didnt give me the chance to help him walk the road he was on as Im sure I could of helped in some way if just given the chance to do so. Why didnt he call me or reach out to me as he had so many times before ? What was so different this time that he felt he couldnt ?? As the days move on and the calender continues to progress I still look for answers though I may never know what his state of mind was that dreadful day. I love you son and miss you DEARLY..... Love Always... Dad
Posted on: Sun, 14 Jul 2013 17:30:58 +0000
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