Dealing with Difficult People By Kim Colluro, Licensed Professional Counselor We have all experienced an interaction with a difficult person at one time or another. You walk away from the experience tense, angry, frustrated, confused and the great day you started off with, is nowhere to be found. Somehow this person has sucked the life right out of you and you’re left scratching your head and wondering how they did it. Difficult people are, well, difficult. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” We all play a role in every interaction we are a part of whether you feel that way or not. It is quite easy to look at the other person and see what they have done or not done, but you have to ask yourself, “How did I play a role?” You do have a choice in how you view, interpret and participate in a situation. Assertive communication is so important. Let’s take a moment to understand what this is exactly. Assertiveness means to communicate your thoughts and feelings honestly and appropriately. This can be done verbally and nonverbally. If you do not assert yourself by letting others know what your thoughts, feelings and needs are, then they are left to assume. Assumptions have about a 50% chance of being right. So you better speak up or you only have a half a chance of people understanding you and responding to you in a way that you want. Here are some steps to positive assertiveness: 1. Try to create a neutral conversation by waiting for your emotions to settle down and by waiting until the other person is likely to be least reactive and more receptive. 2. Deliver your message in a brief and direct way. Try to avoid sarcastic, condescending and judgmental comments, as this will only create defensiveness in the other person. 3. Be respectful. Allow the other person an opportunity to say what they need to without feeling rushed. 4. Stay focused on the original issue and do not derail. 5. If the person becomes defensive, reflect to them what you hear them saying and validate their feelings. Feeling heard goes a long way! 6. It takes two people to escalate things so DO NOT participate! Use a lot of reflective listening to decrease emotions, debating or arguing. 7. Focus on the solution without demanding that the person respond as you do. It is also important to remember that nonverbal communication is just as important in sending your message. These include eye contact, body posture, personal space, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, vocal volume and timing. Last, but not least, it is okay to end the conversation and walk away. Remember, it takes two people to have a conversation and if the other person is in an emotionally reactive place, nothing will be accomplished. Once you begin to assert yourself you will find that you will feel better about yourself, have more self-confidence, and others will treat you with more respect.
Posted on: Thu, 15 Aug 2013 18:17:15 +0000
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