Dear God, I come to you once again asking for guidance and clarity. I pray you wrap your arms around me and help me move forward to the path you have chosen for me. To no longer rely on my own understanding or lack their of. To help me see the mistakes Ive made as a learning tool and grow from those experiences. To no longer continue making excuses for these bad or unacceptable behaviors. knowing in my heart the outcome will most likely be destructive in one way or another. I pray I am able to acknowledge when Im about to make an impulsive or potentially harmful decisions without thinking it through. I pray you help me understand Why I continue to tolerate this behavior. Knowing its harmful in so many ways. I pray that you will let me embrace and accept any and all guidance and wisdom Im being offered. Lord I ask that you help me to remember that this behavior isnt only hurting me but the people I love the most. You know my heart lord, and you know how much love Im capable of giving. How much compassion I have for others but not to require that for myself. I need to remind myself I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be able to enjoy life but so often lack the capability to do so. I alone am my biggest critic. Telling myself of all the many mistakes Ive made along the way. Why something is wrong with me and how damaged I consider myself to be. Please help me love myself. To accept that my flaws do not have to define my entire being. I pray you help me break a cycle I grew up resenting in sooooo many ways. Despising the actions of others that I eventually grew to emulate without realizing it. Knowing full well of what the outcome would most likely be negative. Trying to convince myself and others that it wont happen again but not truly believing it. Thinking if I just say it enough times , it will just happen. As I type these words I feel so many emotions Im not comfortable sharing with others but I know its what needs to be done. I have to remember that if someone does judge or criticize me thats a flaw they posess and I shouldnt let it affect me so so deeply. For so long I have been afraid to let people know things for fear of judgement. Hindering my growth for for no real reason. Why do I care so much about what people think of? Most of the time Im the only one judging me. Telling myself Im bad for continuing in these bad habits. I have myself permission to cut up because Im second guessing my decision to put myself on blast and create a vulnerability that Im completely uncomfortable with. However, acknowledging that the problem exists is my first step toward correcting it. And so thats what Im doing. Everyone makes mistakes but the same mistake over and over becomes a CHOICE!! Dear God I no longer want to feel so weak and broken that I continue to make these choices/bad decisions. I want to make a conscious decision To do the right thing. I need strength to continue working towards living my best life for me and my children. We deserve more and I have to keep that at the forefront at all times. To let myself be Happy and content. I need to stop anticipating that something is always going to go wrong. And am I going to be able to get through it without a complete meltdown. I want to Thank those of you who have been there for me and continue to encourage and support me when I gave up so easily. Not even putting up a real fight. Because once again it was the easy way out. Im bearing my soul because I have so many questions I need answers to. Im considering this moment as my starting point. I pray that every time those negative thoughts begin to take hold that I am strong enough and dedicated enough to continue my fight. I pray Lord that you help me remember that when the Devil trys to steal my peace I remind myself how much greater your powers are Lord.That with you i am capable of anything!!! Iask for forgiveness for all those times I didnt thank you or acknowledge the Blessings I have been given. Instead, I insist on constantly dwelling on things I feel are wrong or unfair. And blaming others when my actions are responsible for where I am at this moment. Good or bad. I want so desperately to feel peace within myself Lord. To feel confident that I am capable and willing to do the work necessary to turn this into reality. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 02:16:26 +0000
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