Dear, PTSD Before I loved him I had only heard of you. You were short write ups in my fancy college textbooks, I remember thinking what a tragic life to live, I never knew you could and would invade my life with such vigor and force. I met him when I was 21. He was charming, funny, had a million dollar smile, and sometimes in his eyes there was a flash of danger, I was hooked. Our relationship was a whirlwind, but I saw glimpses of you from the beginning. When the anger and rage flashed, he was gone and you showed your satanic face. I made excuses, his rage was from the custody battle, he worked a hard job, he was stressed. I never knew how deep your talons were in him, even 11 years after his service you controlled his life. I tried, hard, DAMNED hard to make life perfect, but I was never good enough for you. You always found a way to destroy his joy, and steal mine. He got to the point that holding our newborn daughter didnt even bring him happiness. I hated him, not knowing it was you I really hated. How can you so passionately hate something you didnt even know was there? But you were there, and in the worst kind of ways. You are best at being the worst, PTSD, the kind of opponent that they Army trained him to be, take out the threat before your existence is known. I was your biggest threat, and you tried mightily to destroy me too. But as hard as you pulled him away I held on tighter. He was my happily ever after, not another notch on your proverbial belt. That night you convinced him death was a better option, that you would never set him free. I was there. I begged, screamed, pleaded please let me into your head he simply responded you couldnt handle it with tears in those beautiful eyes I once loved so much. And for the first time, I saw it. He was just as scared of you as I was. He sought treatment, things got better. He, we, made wonderful changes. Our lives werent easy, but we were moving forward, together. Until his body started to fail him. He was always a physical man, and now he was barely able to move. You didnt skip a beat, being the disgusting opportunistic monster that you are, you pounced. You attacked him and with a vengeance. Once again, you had convinced him that my life, our four childrens lives would be better without him. How dare you cut down a man who means so much to so many?! But guess what? This time, I wasnt alone. I had God, and the angels he sent us, And here we stand, together, to fight another day. I dont know how long we will have to fight you, PTSD, but I can promise you this. You may occupy part of his mind, but he occupies my entire heart and I wont let you take him. Hes mine, now and forever and I will fight until the end, and I will fight just as dirty as you do. ~ Chelsea Pacheco
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 00:38:13 +0000
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