Dear.. You may never ever read this. And this will most likely never ever be discovered by anyone that is related to you or I…. or who even cares…. But there is things I have to say…. that must be said. I will try my level best to tell the truth in this letter no matter how much pain and hurt it may cause myself as this is something I just have to do and to clear up all the lies I have told you in the past…. I guess the best place to start is the beginning…. When we met, I admit, I fell for you very quickly!! I felt a love that I have never ever felt before!! You were and still are the most amazing lady I have ever met!! This is something I know will never ever happen again!! Then a few weeks in when you did what you did. I won’t say, we both know, and I am in no way looking to throw mud…. I started to develop… ‘insecurities’. I was petrified of losing the most wonderful thing that had ever happened in my life!! I couldn’t get what I’d done to deserve such a special person to come into my life. And I admit. I hid my ‘poor / working class background’ from you as I was so ashamed of what I was…. Always knowing that I wasn’t good enough for you and you showed me this by repeatedly doing what you did. I don’t know if you ever truly did love me? I think looking back over what has happened these past 5 months, maybe more, has shown me you didn’t really. I don’t think anyone who truly loved someone can treat someone else the way you have treated me. Again, I am in no way trying to be horrible. I’m just facing facts. You have made me out to be some sort of…. ‘monster’. I think at the beginning you never meant things to go this far, but now I’m not so sure? Now I think you really want to make sure I get what’s coming to me. What did I do to make you hate me so much? How can someone ( I ) still love someone so much, yet the other person ( you ) despise and loathe so much? When did this happen? How did this happen? I may be a lot of things, but I’m not the monster you have made me out to be. I’m anything but that. What did I do to deserve this from you? It feels like you just threw me away and never gave me a second thought. You broke me so badly. I know I’ve said it before, but I mean it when I say you totally changed my life. I’ll never be the same again. Everyday tears me apart thinking about you and loving you, and feeling the pain I do for you. Knowing all the time I can’t be with you and you don’t care. We could have sat down and talked it out. You said we communicated on different levels. The truth is… We didn’t. I was just so scared of losing you and I was prepared to do anything to keep you. Using a figure of speech - I was prepared to ‘Lie, cheat, and steal’. The latter 2 you know I would never ever have done to you. You were to precious to me to jeopardise that. The first however I did do… Why? Because I was so ashamed of who I was… who I am… What would the most beautiful, most intelligent woman I have ever met want with someone like me?… And the answer I know now is - Nothing. It breaks my heart everyday knowing this. I find myself having a constant daily / nightly inner battle with myself trying to get over you, and forget you, and quite simply I can’t. I am learning to accept that I can’t fight what can’t be beaten. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and I am but only one man. Who am I to take on such a formidable opponent? Again the answer being - Nothing. There is so much I want to say, and I know there will be things I forget to say, but just know this…. My whole heart, my soul, my being belongs to you. Maybe it always has, who knows?…. All I know now it always will. I will never stop missing you or loving you. Not for a single moment have I not missed you or loved you. And isn’t that punishment enough knowing that I can never see, hear, or be with you again? Hear your beautiful soft voice. See your eyes, your smile. To touch you again or hold you? Or feel your warmth next to mine ever again? But just know the moments we did share together I think about them everyday and I will cherish and treasure them forever. I know I said a lot of nasty horrible things when we were breaking up. That I wish I’d never met you and that I hated you. And I am so sorry for saying these things. I felt like I was the only one hurting, and yes, I tried to hurt you back. Forgetting that you were hurting too! I am truly sorry for this. I hope that one day you can find it in yourself to forgive me? And this may be where I should end this letter. I hope that you are happy and as much pain as it may cause me I hope that you are happy now that you have ‘moved on’. Yet I will wait, knowing deep down that it is a totally lost hope. But I will still wait. I guess somethings are just meant to be? I know there is nothing I can say for you to ‘even’ entertain me for just a ‘single’ moment. So this is where I will say ‘goodbye’. Never ever forget I will always be sorry. I miss you and I will always love you! You are my everything…
Posted on: Thu, 11 Jul 2013 05:13:08 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015